In Need of Counsel...

Is it just me or is it virtually impossible to get out of the house on weekday mornings without feeling harried, frustrated, exhausted and just generally pissed off? Some days are better than others of course but for the most part, the mornings are a marathon of chaos. Making milk cups and bottles; washing faces; changing diapers; overseeing potty use; figuring out the weather; choosing the appropriate outfits; dressing; brushing teeth; fixing hair; finding matching socks; locating stray shoes; finding clean bibs (there is a neverending cycle of bibs being washed in my house, it's unreal); "making" breakfast (it wouldn't even be right to mislead you into thinking that I make things like bluberry pancakes or made-to-order omelets during the week - more like cheerios and milk or an Eggo); remembering to give vitamins; making sure the daycare bag is packed with the necessary lunch and snack items, sheets, diapers, and of course extra bibs... ALL IN ADDITION TO GETTING YOURSELF DRESSED! And...rushing around, looking for cell phones, the envelope that "was supposed to go in the mail today," taking an appetizer for the potluck party at work (I can't even tell you what I brought today, I'm ashamed) loading up the car, getting the girls in the carseats, all while being tormented with myriad high-pitched, repetitive requests for "malamalas" [DD's word for "banana"] which you cannot, in good conscience, grant since the malamalas are nowhere close to being ripe. It's madness, I'm telling you. What can I do?? I know the standard advice:

"Have DH help you"

Problem: None. He does help. Really. We're both running in circles.

"Put out the outfits for the next day the night before"

Problem: By the time the next day arrives, the outfits will have been strewn all across the room during DD's destruction frenzy as she falls asleep. [Note: this is why she showed up with DH to the Mocha Holiday Party on Saturday with a red sweater and pink checkered socks on. Even though, before leaving early to setup the party, I put out her outfit out, including the matching red socks, before her nap. She managed to lose them within the hour. DH never stood a chance at getting her dressed.] Thank goodness for the extra-long pants (3T).

"Pack the daycare bag the night before"
Problem: For the most part, I do. But I still have to prepare milk cups/juice cups/bottles and breakfast in the morning. And it's not like I don't have a gazillion things to do the night before.

"Put the kids to sleep in their clothes."

Problem: No way. I can't get with that. I'd rather be late.

"Wake up earlier!"
Problem: Shut Up.

And so, when I finally got in my car this morning [after changing my sweater 3 times to conceal the spare tire; TRIPPING OVER THE *%@! CHRISTMAS TREE - still in the wrap on the floor b/c we have not had the chance to put it up - THAT YOU WRETCHES ENCOURAGED ME TO BUY; putting the bag of trash around the side of the house in the cans; balancing my purse, cereal, keys, party food, water bottle and arming the house alarm, while wearing gloves] I turned on the car, turned on the heater and realized my gas tank was below "E"

...because I rushed home from running errands last night without filling up so that I would have ample time to do things like make dinner, pack the daycare bag and do a load of bibs so that my Monday morning would go smoothly.

I think I'm going malamalas.

More Devastating News...

An acquaintance of ours died today. She was driving her son to school and had a head-on collision with another mother who had her 2 sons in the car. Both moms dies instantly. Fortunately, all of the children are in stable condition. This news hits close to home -- DH went to high school with the mother who was a teacher, and she went to college with J. Jones and I. She leaves behind a loving family, including her 5-year-old son, husband and twin sister. Let's keep them all in our prayers. Another reminder that life is sacred and not to take today for granted.

You can see the story here.

Community Service...

About friends.

I like the saying that friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As I get older, I am realizing who my lifetime friends are. Time passes, we each become busy with our own lives and those friends that we were closest with 5 or 10 years ago, we may hear from once in a blue moon. That doesn't make them a bad friend necessarily, but perhaps their "season" is over. On the flip side, friends that we have made only recently now may be our closest friends. Ever since grade school, I always have been the type of person that thinks "everyone" is my friend. I also always try to see the good in everyone and so it never occurs to me to assume that someone is purposely not calling me back or not sending me an email or that they are harboring feelings of jealousy towards me (for whatever reason) or what have you. Girls are strange in that we are sensitive, yet cruel and extremely indirect with our feelings (our husbands would concur, I'm sure). For example, if DH hasn't heard from a friend of his in a long while, here is how the conversation would go:

Guy#1: Yo
Guy#2: Yo, whatup
Guy#1: Man, where you been at? How come you ain't never holla at me?
Guy#2: My bad man. I've been hemmed up with [work, the wife, whatever]
Guy#1: So what man. We're all busy. You can't diss your boys like that. That's green.
Guy#2: You right man. My fault.
Guy#1: Cool. So whatup?

And just like that the issue is resolved.

More importantly, guys never "pretend" to be friends or to maintain friendships with guys that they don't really consider to be their friends. They just aren't that complex/crafty/sensitive. But, for what it's worth, they undergo much less drama and pain. So here is your homework for this weekend: think about who you really consider to be your close friends. Write their names down. Think about when the last you called them was. Email is fine for some things, but nothing beats you picking up the phone and calling. Think about the last time they called you. Have you returned their call? Have you returned their email? If not, be honest with yourself about why. Are they always initiating contact? Why? What friendly deed have you done for them lately? Did you send them a funny trinket in the mail that made you think of them when you saw it? Did you send them an e-card when you knew they were going through a rough time? Did you invite them to go to church with you? Did you invite her over to watch a chick flick? It can be anything to let them know that you are thinking about them and that you cherish your friendship. It's the gesture that counts.

So, demand more from your friends. If she can't even return your call from one week ago, then obviously, to her, your friendship is not a priority. Don't let her off the hook with a "oh, that's just Karen. She never returns calls." Alternatively, realize that those that you thought were your friends, are not. This is hard and may be hurtful. Are you always "giving" and never "receiving"? Why? Think about telling that "friend" how you feel. Finally, check yourself. Be a true friend to those that you care about. Friends are special and life is too short to do otherwise...

This has been a public service annoucement. *wink*

Guilty Conscience...

This morning, as I opened the fridge and saw the thawed chicken breasts that have been sitting on the bottom shelf since 11/26, I realized that I have not cooked a real meal for my family in almost an entire week! Friday, we went out to eat, Saturday we had people over and I made food [does that count?], Sunday we had pizza, Monday we had leftovers from Saturday, Tuesday we had pizza (I know, shameful), and Wednesday I threw frozen hamburger patties on the George Foreman. What has happened to me!? Not to mention, DD usually takes dinner leftovers with her to daycare for lunch, but since there have not been any dinner leftovers, she has had the nutritious menu of Kraft mac n' cheese, PB&J, Chef Boyardee Pasta and leftover fajitas. Bless her heart. Lately, I have just been tired when I get home and not in the mood to cook. Luckily DH hasn't complained.

Am I going to hell? I promise to cook tonight. And to throw away the week-old thawed chicken.

What I need is to do our Dream Dinners at home again. That was great. What do you say J.Ny? Are you up for it again?

In Deference To...

The story of what happened to the Kim family is really on my heart. I just wanted to echo J. Jones sentiment of a few weeks ago that we all need to count our blessings and thank God for today because tomorrow is not promised. Imagine -- one day you are celebrating Thanksgiving and on your way to a vacation resort and the next you, your wife, and your 2 babies are stranded in an snow storm for 2 entire weeks. I read that the mom ended up nursing both her 7-month-old and 4-year-old when they ran out of food. I guess the blessing in all of this is that 3 of them survived. Please keep the Kim family in your prayers. And give your babies extra kisses tonight!

Click here for the full story. James Kim was the Senior Editor at CNET.com which I use almost daily at work. So sad.

MamaLaw #5 - The grace Period to lose the baby weight should be at least 1 year post-partum

Am I right? Perhaps this is an important law to me because GummiBear is already 9 months old and I am nowhere close to my pre-baby(#2) weight. Whatever the case, how is a new mom (and YES, I still consider myself a new mom) supposed to get her figure back any sooner? Let us review the impeding factors, shall we:

1) NO SLEEP
Really, do you need to see any more factors? I shouldn't think so, but if you are from the School of Hard Knocks and believe that moms should have the endurance of a US Special Forces Soldier, then here are some more...

2) Breastfeeding
Time consuming, exhausting, difficult, and makes you hungry. Granted, not all moms breastfeed, but even if they don't, the child still needs to be fed. All day. All night. Which takes us back to point #1.

3) NO SLEEP
See point #1.

4) No time/energy to cook
See above for reasons why. This means you are eating whatever you can get your hands on, no matter what time of day. If you are in the slim minority of women whose husbands cook the meals (first - keep it to yourself, you wretch) consider yourself fortunate. Otherwise, if you are like the rest of us and make the meals, then a new baby means no healthful meal planning or preparation and therefore, for the most part, unhealthy food choices.

5) NO SLEEP
Are we seeing a pattern?

6) No time/energy to exercise
Not to mention, if you were like me and your pelvis didn't fall back into place until at least month-4-post-partum, the mere thought of getting on an elliptical machine caused you emotional trauma. You ever hear the medical advice that a woman should wait at least 9 months after giving birth before trying to conceive again because her body needs to recover? Well, hello! Your body is still recovering! I joined a lunchtime toning class at work and, the following happened:

instructor: "lie in your backs"

me (to myself): ok, no prob

instructor: "now lift both legs off of the ground until they are at a 90 degree angle with your torso"

me (to myself): ok, no prob

me (to myself): wait a minute, I could have sworn that I told my brain to lift my legs. why isn't it working? Oh my god, I'm paralyzed! HELP. Oh wait, it's just because I have NO ABDOMINAL MUSCLES.

True story.

7) NO SLEEP
It's really annoying.

8) Priorities
So let's say by some miracle you do get a free minute from your mommy-duties. Do you really want to spend it doing lunges? Or do you want to: call your bestfriend-watch your baby sleep-check your email-eat something-open the mail-watch Grey's Anatomy-throw in a load of laundry-sleep-take a bubble bath-mop the floor or make love to your husband? [in that order, lol] That's what I thought.

9) NO SLEEP
What day is it?

10) You don't want to wake the baby.
Laugh if you want to, but this was/is a real concern for me. The elliptical squeaks extremely loudly and would most certainly wake a sleeping baby (for real!) Running up and down the hardwood stairs would make noise. As would jumping around to an aerobics tape. What am I supposed to do?? Sit-ups? Yoga? Stroller Strides? Who asked you anyway.

11) NO SLEEP
You try staying awake for 90 consecutive days. I dare you.

12) You just don't feel like it.
Be real. Unless you were into fitness before, chances are you just don't have the motivation to get out in the December weather to run 1.5 miles. Despite the fact that you have the "support" of your husband to "motivate" you by saying things like: "I think those pants are too tight".

To which I would refer you to MamaLaw#1.

P.S.
Make sure to check out the Mama Blog Spotlights of the Day! I try to scope out the good ones.

So Ordered...

Okay, I just have to say this before I go to bed - I just finished watching the season finale of The Wire and there is no question that it is the best show on television... If you haven't seen it, rent it, On Demand it, Tivo it, get over to your friend's house with cable, whatever just watch!!

Nighty night.

Contempt...

Read this momblog: http://mamawolf.blog-city.com/ It's about a mom whose small children were molested by their teenage neighbor last year. There's only about 4 or 5 postings but start from the oldest one and work your way up. I can't even imagine.

Concurrence??

You know how there is an unwritten rule among wives that if you have an idea that you want implemented, you have to make your husband believe that it was his idea all along? Well, I get that, but it's so annoying that they truly believe that they came up with it! For example, DH has been vehemently opposed to enrolling DH in a nursery school program because of the costs. My point of view is that, yes, they are ridiculously expensive and should not be, however education and academic development is so important at this stage that we have to sacrifice to give her the best start possible (hey! this sounds like my breastfeeding pitch) even if it means taking some dollars out of savings (GASP!) or what have you. [Sidenote: I'm not saying that you should dip into savings willy-nilly, but aren't times like this what savings are for?] Anyway, we got into an argument about it, of course, and I said, very calmly, before bed last night: "Why don't you just give my idea a chance until you can come up with something better?" And to this he agreed. SO. This morning we went to 2 openhouses that I rsvp'd us for. The first was a Montessori school (the idea of which I wasn't necessarily crazy about) but we both loved it. I think it really opened DH's eyes to what DH would be missing out on if she didn't join a academic-geared program. When he got back in the car he was thinking of all of these ways that we could pay the tuition and how "we are already paying a good amount for where she is now..." so a little bit more for a pre-school environment wouldn't be that bad. Um, excuse me, what? I could have sworn that I had been preaching the same thing for days. But, alas, remembering the ol' Wives Code, I held my tongue and nodded my head. But let me just tell you that I was dying to say: "I told you so!!!!"


On another note: Isn't it funny how being a mom is like being a member of a universal sorority. No matter where you come from, what color you are or where you are in life, you will always share the common bond of the joys and pains of motherhood. Case-in-point: I overheard a conversation at work today about the holidays and the woman not wanting anyone to give her kids anything this year because they already have too much stuff! I could totally relate. In fact, I am only buying my kids 2 presents each for this reason. [ok, ok, so I already have 6 presents hidden in the closet] But I digress. The lesson is: when you become stressed about something, just remember that you're not alone!

Dicta...

DD is now one-year old and DH believes that it's time for me to start looking for a job. Despite my protests (as passive as they may be), I can't disagree with him because we had an agreement that I would stay at home with DD for one year. It's just been so much fun that I really don't want to go back to work.

But anyhow...I'm now trying to find some decent child care. DH will be working from home, but he will undoubtedly need help -- probably lots of help, but I won't tell him that. And, there are a few days that he will need to attend meetings etc, so we will need to have someone who's reliable and can take good care of Lady Day.

I've explored various day care centers in the area. They are either ridiculously expensive or their facilities look like assembly lines. So, I figured we should explore in-home care for the next year, as some of the programs that have caught my eye require the children to be at least 2 years old. So, I posted a want add on craigslist.com and I've received a few responses. (I am in search of Justice Jones' Evelyn but have had no luck as yet -- I am keeping hope alive though.) So, I arrange to meet one candidate today at 11 am at my house. Hmmmmmmm, I'm still waiting. Please tell me that this is not a representation of the quality of people out there trying to take care of other people's children!?!? I am not at all thrilled by this first showing and I am hoping that it gets better. I have another interview scheduled for Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed for me as I wait for the perfect nanny.

Confession...

I have just spent an hour and a half reading mommy blogs! No lie. Instead of SLEEPING or catching up on missed episodes of Top Chef (I'm so behind), I stumbled upon tons and tons of fantastic mommy blogs. I am way too tired to talk about them in the detail that they deserve but I am so excited at the mommy blogosphere out there. Seems that the Internet has really given moms a voice. I especially think that blogging has offered a fabulous sense of community to SAHMs who may tend to feel isolated during the days...Anyhoo, I hope that I can get my fellow justices as hype about blogging as I am. They will be "sad" to find out that we missed National Blog Posting Month aka NaBloPoMo (http://www.fussy.org/nablopomo.html) [eBlogger is tripping and I can't create my fancy hyperlinks at the moment] which challenged bloggers to post one new post per day on their blog for the ENTIRE month of November. Seems like the mommy bloggers I visited really enjoyed the whole challenge. My friends would have NEVER done it! But it would have been fun to try nonetheless.

So, of course, now it is 11pm I am p.o.'d at myself for not taking advantage of an evening "by myself" [DH is "out with the boys" and the gals are knocked out sleeping] Instead I've been surfing the Net and reading about Roombas and microwaved ankle weights (a kid-special) Not to mention that my behind NEEDS [I can't italicize either, doggone it!] to be asleep since I have a full day tomorrow in preparing for the Non-Baby Shower that I am hosting for my friend. She is extremely low-maintenance and didn't think a shower was necessary for Baby #2, but as my mom says, "the shower is for the baby, not for you!" So we are having a "Mexican Food & Milkshake Shower" since those are her constant cravings.

I'm thinking that one of the shower games should involve taking shots of Pepto.

Nor can I change the font of my post to "Georgia." I just love that font. Is that weird? Ugh! I'm soo ticked. "Arial" just drives me crazy.

Plea...

So, despite the obvious fact that it will cause an argument between me and DH, I am proud to say that I have located and contacted a potential housekeeper. She is supposed to come over tomorrow to give us a quote for housekeeping services, including laundry (woo hoo!) and possibly even cooking (yahoo!). That would be a dream... Just like the illustrious "Evelyn" that we all have heard so much about, I need a "Lystra!" Lystra is the name of my sister's and my (is that proper english?) childhood nanny. She was the best. She moved to Canada with us from Trinidad and really and truly became part of the family. She cooked, cleaned, gave us baths - you name it, Lystra did it. What a lifesaver she must have been to my mom who worked/works full-time. Anyway, I'll let you guys know how it goes - I hope the MommyFairy is listening!