RHOC Recap

Most times RHOC makes me think about deeper, more serious issues regarding motherhood, marriage, friendship - but last night was just funny. Here’s a quick recap:

Simon and Tamra
As you may know by now, Simon and Tamra are in fact getting a divorce after 12 years of marriage. The tension between these two has been quite thick this season and as I’ve expressed before, I hope they can work it out amicably for the kids. But, my impression has always been that Simon is just too controlling and last night’s episode proved it. Unapologetically Simon said “I’m not the type of person to control somebody. And if I didn’t control my wife, could you imagine how she would be?” and he also said “I let her get away with a lot of things.” News flash Simon, she’s your wife, not your child.

Gretchen’s business venture
Go Gretchen for trying to start your own business, but I felt so sorry for her at her debut. How much did she spend? Who swindled her into believing that there would be 10,000 people there? She needs a manager, whose name isn’t Slade.

Alexis and mom
Alexis brought her mom into town to get plastic surgery. I think her mom looks pretty good for almost 60 and I think Alexis should have left her alone. Clearly Alexis’ obsession with beauty (as Lynne’s) has clouded her ability to reason. I was disappointed that her mom wasn’t there to see her grandkids, but I guess that’s irrelevant in Alexis’ world. Above all other things, what irked me throughout the entire plastic surgery process was that Alexis took her mom from the surgeon’s office to an after care facility. She should have taken her home to recover; sometimes having too much money makes you forget the human side of things.

Lynn and Frank
I’m soooo over them!


Here are a couple sound bites that had me ROTFL!

Vicki ~ If you call me in the middle of a weekday what do you think I’m doing? Working!!!

Tamra ~ “What better way to celebrate my birthday than gettings together with my hos and mos”

Lynne ~ In response to whether Frank has ever cheated on her “He is germaphobic, he would never cheat on me”

Simon ~ “Hitler had a good side!”

Next Thursday is the season finale at 10pm and then the season premiere for RHONY at 11. See you then!

Bubble lady

As you know I returned to work on Monday after being off for 2 months. So far, it's okay - the biggest issue that I am dealing with is not being at home when hubby and daughter get home in the afternoon. In fact, it appears like I'll be the last to get home all the time because I work until 6pm (but that's another post).

Anyhoo, I'm sick now - I know...what are the chances, right? It appears that I've been the bubble lady for the past two months and was insulated from the rest of the world. I am positive that I picked up some sort of virus on MONDAY while riding the bus - swine flu...hmmmm maybe!!! All the more reason for me to return home and do what I've been doing - right?

Best Sign Seen In A Grocery Store

Welcome to My World

My Playroom or Yours?

At the wedding I coordinated over the weekend, the best man was hitting on me the entire time. At first it was flattering. Then it quickly became annoying. But here's the joke: after the wedding was over, he offered to walk me to my car to make sure I got in safely since it was about midnight. Once we reached my car, he took one look at the two toddler car seats in my backseat and his eyes nearly jumped out of his head and he sputtered "You have twins!!??" The poor guy almost had a heart attack. I nearly died laughing.

Do you think the double car seat action caused my desirability rating to plummet? I can't imagine why.

Ever since Saturday, each time I get into my car and glance in the back, I have a little chuckle.

I'm Your Pusher-Mom

Ok y'all. I've joked about it before, but now it's getting serious [sorta]. I really think that Oldest is addicted to fruit snacks. Besides the fact that when she's at home she must have a packet of fruit snacks IN!HER!VIEW!AT!ALL!TIMES! and when I open a packet for her she starts jumping up and down with big eyes and squeals of joy -- Let's take a look at some common signs and symptoms of addiction, shall we:

• Inability to relax or have fun without having fruit snacks. Yup.
  



• Sudden changes in work or school attendance and quality of work or grades. Yup. Craft time just cannot be enjoyed without having immediately ingested or anticipating the ingestion of fruit snacks.
  



• Angry outbursts, mood swings, irritability, manic behavior, or overall attitude change. Yup. [Oh wait, she's 2]
  



• Talking incoherently or making inappropriate remarks. Yup. [Oh wait, she's 2]
  



• Deterioration of physical appearance and grooming. By the end of the day? Certainly. [Oh wait, she's 2]
  
  


• Wearing sunglasses and/or long sleeve shirts Zoe winter vests frequently or at inappropriate times. Yup. [Oh wait, she's 2]
  



• No longer spending time with friends who don't eat fruit snacks and/or associating with known fruit snack abusers. Hmm, I have noticed that she doesn't really pay her little sis much mind. [Oh wait, she's 2]
  



• Engaging in secretive or suspicious behaviors, such as making frequent trips to the restroom, basement, or other isolated areas where fruit snack consumption would be undisturbed. Yup. Hubby and I have come across her trying to hide in her room or under the dining room table with the box of contraband snacks.
  



• Eating fruit snacks first thing in the morning. Yup.
  



• Talking about fruit snacks all the time and pressuring others to indulge. Yup. Heaven help me.
  

So, you see it's not entirely a figment of my imagination. And I realize I am to blame since I'm the one who keeps buying them, but I refuse to continue to be her enabler. Starting tomorrow the Fergie household is going on a Fruit Snack Detox! Ok, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely on Monday. I'm just a teensy bit afraid to feel her toddler wrath.

Brownie Points

Me [doing laundry or whatever]: "Aw man...I'm missing America's Next Top Model!"

Hubby: "Honey. You are America's Next Top Model. And don't let anybody tell you different."

This guy thinks he's slick.

Cheers to Sanjaya

I felt so bad for Sanjaya last night. (I wanted to post to the blog, but I was already in bed, so that wasn't happening). Anyway, back to the point at hand.....I really felt bad for him. As they went to the commercial break, he was happy and smiling and he even cheered the crowd on - he seemed quite oblivious to the fact that an elimination was about to occur. I wondered whether he didn't care at all or whether his upbeat attitude was because he had been in the bottom three on previous occasions and had lost the fear that he was going home. Needless to say, when they announced his name, he broke down in tears. Oh.....my heart went out to him.

I will admit that I loved Sanjaya at his audition. He was just the sweetest thing and I loved and admired his humility and care for his sister (for those of you who didn't catch that episode, both Sanjaya and his sister auditioned, but Sanjaya went after his sister. His sister qualified to move onto the next round and after he sang (and he was pretty good) the judges asked him who was better between he and his sister and he said that his sister was better and they told him that he was better. Furthermore, after he qualified to move on to the next round, the cameras followed him outside and he and his sister shared their stories and his sister asked him whether the judges compared the two and he told her that they did and said that she was the better singer between them - how sweet!

So, despite his horrible performances since the audition, I really felt his pain last night. Here's to Sanjaya's spirit and his resiliency!!!!

Mommy Olympics: Your Town 2007

It occurred to me this morning, as I was running after my toddler trying to put barrettes in her hair, that there should be some sort of awards for us moms who jump through hoops to get even the most ordinary of tasks done. A Mommy Olympics, if you will. Check me out:

Event #1: The Teethbrushing Challenge
Moms will each compete to get their child's teeth brushed in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who only wants to splash in the running sink water, smear the bubblegum-flavored toothpaste all over the mirror and jump on and off of the Dora-themed stepstool.

*Bonus points awarded if you can get your toddler to "spit" when appropriate.

Event #2: The Clothing Challenge
Moms will each compete to get their child dressed in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to get dressed in presentable, outside clothing, but who ONLY wants to wear her pink army fatigue pajama bottoms along with her Dora short-sleeved shirt. And it's winter.

Added challenge: Toddlers will intentionally implement the reknown "jelly-legs" maneuver whereby they refuse to lock their knees so that you may easily pull on their pants.

*Bonus points awarded if you can get the toddler's arms through the sleeve holes without forcing her to let go of the My Little Pony doll [the letting go of which would result in an all-out tantrum thereby adding to your time and lowering your score].

Event #3: The Bath Challenge
Moms will each compete to bathe their child in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to be touched with ANY form of soap whatsoever. Even the Dora bodywash that she allegedly loves. Said toddler will also refuse to stand up when asked as well as refuse to sit down when asked. But will happily practice the "bail the water out of the sinking boat" manuever whereby she, well tries to bail the water out of the NOT-sinking bathtub.

*Bonus points awarded if moms can complete this challenge without becoming soaking wet and sweaty.

Event #4: The Dinnertime Challenge
Moms will each compete to prepare and feed their child dinner in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to eat the balanced meal that you are so lovingly preparing, but instead ONLY wants to eat an entire bag of blue corn tortilla chips. And feed said corn chips to her Dora doll.

Added challenge: Mom must prepare said meal whilst holding an infant on her hip or hanging onto her leg. Her choice.

*Bonus points if the mom doesn't actually consider just feeding the toddler the blue corn chips for dinner because, technically, corn is a vegetable.

Speed Skating my eye.

[Oops, sorry Grey's is on. Gotta find out what happens to Meredith. If you have any ideas for another Mommy Olympics event, please do share. Just wait until you hear what the prizes for 1st through 3rd place are.]

BTW -- Can you tell that I am REALLY sick of Dora? "Come on let's get to it...I know that we can do it!" GET RID of her that is.

Rock On!

Did anybody see the Today Show yesterday? [I've become a TS groupie, I know, but lately they've had the best mom-interest stories] They did the coolest segment on a group of moms who formed a rock band called HRT. The women were friends and SAHMs who met regularly for coffee and to go shopping and then they decided to try their hand at playing music. After that, it was all she wrote! Now they tour and play to sold out crowds all while taking care of home. Goes to show that your wildest dreams may not be as far out of reach as you might think.

What would you love to do in your "wildest dreams"?

Prayers Please!

One of my fellow Mochas really needs your prayers! She sent us this letter today:

"Greetings,

As some of you are aware, our family had a medical crisis with our daughter Ayo. She was born last September and after a week home, ended up in the hosptial until this month (Jan)! My husband and I did all we could to manage our household and other child while being with Ayo everyday of her hospital stay. She has an unexplained heart condition; the treatment that was required lead to a brain hermmorage and a host of other things. The tale is long and painful but the end result is that our insurance company has terminated us because were were late on one premium payment--for the first time in 3 years! The minute we realized we tried to pay over the phone and they denied us the chance. Her bills are well over a million dollars, so we were not that surprised at the quickness with which they acted. We cannot find a new a policy at this time because of her condition, and we do not qualify for free or reduced price programs--at least on paper. The truth is we own property but I cannot work right now as I am taking care of Ayo and property is not a liquid asset that can help us immediately. My husband has lost work when he was not able to deliver his projects on time, as a result of our ravaged schedule. We are both self-employed, so there is no employer to give us insurance. Her situation is serious and we are left with taking her to the hospital for medication, pedicatric check-ups, cardiology and bloodwork that she has to get done on a regular basis. This is then billed to us directly. We will go bankrupt at this rate and cannot continue in this manner. Here is where you can help us:

We plan to rent out our home here in Takoma Park, MD. If you can think of anyone who may be interested in a lovely, renovated 4 bedroom please have them contact us. We are not ready to sell and want to lease for a year while we move back to the District to a more affordable situation.

Next, if you are looking for a wonderful general contractor, please contact my husband, since his schedule is now more conducive to working again. The company's site is www.kandcbuilders.com . He has excellent references despite this latest client whose work went beyond the deadline.

We are seeking an attorney or anyone who is capable to help us pro-bono to assist us in appealing to our insurance company for terminating us in the middle of a medical crisis.

Thanks for reading our letter!
The Thompsons"

If you can help by responding to one of her specific requests, then great! If not, her family needs all the prayer that they can get. Thanks very much. Let's do this thing Mamas!

Comic Relief...

I got this joke in an email from my mom today...

Why Men are rarely published in Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them.

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?