My Biology Experiment

A few weeks ago I took the kids to get some new shoes and didn't realize the outing would result in a biology experiment. With three kids, all with different tastes and demands, I knew this outing would require plenty of patience and a good sense of humor to get me through it. What I didn't expect was to learn that I was going to have a clear snapshot of the differences between the male and female psyche.

We started out with the boys running down the aisles basically tearing the place apart, grabbing and knocking everything down. Oldest wanted a pair of Heelys. Little B wanted anything that looked like it would help him run "super fast" and within minutes he quickly found a pair of dark blue Nikes with bright green Nike checks zipping across the sides. They looked just like "lightening speed shoes." Even though they did just what he was looking for, I tried to show him a few others choices. How could he be done so quickly? He had zero interest in other shoes.

Next was Oldest. Although there were no Heelys, he found a good alternative. Skater shoes with no wheels. Since it's what all his friends are wearing these would do just fine. Like Little B he also was done pretty quickly and had no desire to keep looking.

Daughter, now she had a completely different approach. She looked at every possible shoe in her section. She inspected, flipped possible choices around, and thought about her choice long and hard. While she did this, she even talked about the types of shoes her friends had or what so and so would think about her choice. The boys were getting very impatient with her but this didn't distract or deter her. Eventually, even I had enough and tried to show her a number of shoes and felt like I picked one in every single possible style. There was something not right about each shoe. Either "too pink" or "too flat" or "too plain." The girl was driving me nuts!! Finally, she found the "perfect" shoe, the new Twinkle Toes by Sketchers. (Side note: The shoes are super cool and stylish with toes light up. A perfect match for my little style diva. Check them out!)

The approach the kids took when selecting their shoes really highlighted the differences between the two sexes. But this isn't something I noticed just during this outing. Really, since having the kids I've learned to have a better appreciation and understanding in how different men and women really are from each other. I saw in Daughter what most women go through when they shop for clothes/shoes. For most of us we put a lot of thought into our purchases and enjoy when we get compliments from our peers. (And let me assure, she's been getting plenty since she got them and it makes.her.day.) Most men, on the other hand, have a totally different approach. They know what they want, they find it quickly, and voila, they are done. I can remember plenty of times where Mr. Jonesie would ask us to wait in the car while he ran in and out of Dillard's only to come back with exactly what he needed, and in minutes.

As the kids get older I'm really starting to see more and more that my boys are wired completely different than my girl. Their habits, inability to communicate, ways in which they communicate, or solve problems are much different than the way I would or Daughter would approach something. Even though the two boys have two totally different personalities, the basic science behind them are similar.

While I realize none of this is groundbreaking information for anyone, my little shoe experiment has compelled me to inquire into this a bit further. Maybe listen to an audio book or two on the subject and see if I can find answers to some of the million dollar questions in my life. Like, why can't men just put the toilet seat down? Or find something without asking where it is first? Or express their feelings about something just for the sake of talking about it rather than searching for solutions or answers only? Or how about this one- toughen up when they are sick?

I think I'll start with adding Men are From Mars/Women are From Venus to my reading list because it's about time I better understand what's really going on here.

I'll keep ya'll posted!

Finally Figuring it All Out- Raising My Spirited Child

I'm really into audio books this month and have gotten books on everything from love to parenting. (Okay, really I only got two books, one on love, one on parenting; haven't made it past my first two books.)

The first book I listened too was Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. This.book.is.awesome! I was at my wits end with both of my boys. Youngest is non-stop emotional roller coaster and full of more energy than all three of my children combined. It takes him two hours to fall asleep at night, even when he's exhausted. He is also happy go lucky one second and then crying desperately the next- just because his paper airplane didn't fly "the right way" or because his pants make too much noise when he walks so he can't wear them.one.more second.longer. Frankly, my patience was wearing thin with him.

Oldest, also Mr. Moody, but in a different way. He just gets so upset about things at a much deeper level than most eight year olds should (and this has always been the case with him at every age). Everything with him is a battle; homework, going to taekwondo, doing homework (oh yeah, said that), his frustration with his games, toys, even other kids his age. And sometimes he says things that are so deep- like he's just too smart for an eight year old.

My way of handling these boys was to count down the minutes before bedtime and pray that we all made it to bed without me spinning my head around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist.

ENOUGH!

With all three of my pregnancies I always had the latest baby book on my nightstand and would read every single line like it was the Bible. And then it was all different nursing books. My education stopped there. I realized one day that I needed to be just as proactive about parenting as I was about weaning the kid off the boob. I had no idea what I was doing- duh.

The Spirited Child was a savior! My boys are definitely spirited children. A spirited child is a child that typically is characterized as more than a handful- to put it nicely. Not your usual handful but like a double dose of extra work that makes you want to take a stiff drink just to deal with them. They are usually more aggressive, wild, temperamental, and energetic than your average child. And they can also be more persistent, sensitive, moody, and intense than most children. The more is not just sometimes, it's all the time.

There are generally two types of spirited children - the extrovert and the introvert. My youngest is my extrovert, and my oldest is the introvert. This just adds to the fun of it all for me, of course, because dealing with each requires different strategies.

After listening to the book I've learned how to identify ways to make it a good day while also preventing the triggers to make it horrible day; I learned to diffuse blow-ups; learned how to select my battles; identify the positive in having a spirited child; and most importantly, I know what I'm doing now! Before reading the book I doubted everything I did with my boys, felt guilty for the way I felt about them, and the way in which I communicated with them. There were many days in which I was so drained from being around them I felt like years were being taken from me daily. Not only was it draining me but also draining Daughter- often she'll lock the boys out of her room just to get some peace and quite.

When I popped in the first CD, I swear, Mary was talking to me. It was as if she had been watching home videos of the madness going on at my house and decided to write me my own how-to manual. Over the years I've tried to read other books but never felt like the recommendations would work in my house. This was just the right fit.

If you struggle with a child that is "more of everything" I encourage you to read her book. It will definitely change your relationship with your child in a positive and healthy way.

Tune in on Wednesday for my next review- The Power of Love, by Dr. Laura Schlessigner in which I write about all the stupid things covered in the book.

Have a great week!

Get Your Beef On: It's a Giveaway!

There's a running joke in our family; whenever my mom and I are out dining somewhere together and someone politely asks "is there anything you don't eat?" we both laugh and say "unfortunately, no!" It's true - we love food. And that love includes beef. Some of my favorite foods are beef dishes: steak frites, minute steak, hamburgers, spaghetti bolognese, french onion soup {with beef stock}, did I mention hamburgers?? I'm a firm believer that while chicken, fish and pork are all great sources of protein, nothing compares to beef.

I have a diverse background. My parents are from the Caribbean and I was born and raised in Montreal, Quebec and Miami, Florida. The combination of experiences led me to appreciate an array of foods, including some to-die-for beef dishes. Here are some of my all-time faves:

photo credit: apt316.ca

Beef Roti

Roti is a traditional Trinidadian dish, made with your choice of meat, potatoes and curry wrapped in a light pastry dough, after which the dish is named. The original recipe is, of course, made with chunks of beef (or goat). My memories of this dish range from tagging along with my Dad to his favorite roti shop in Miami, to hanging out with friends and listening to the latest soca jam in front of the best roti shop in Montreal. Both scenarios ended the same way: with me licking the curry off of my fingers after devouring a hot beef roti. To this day, when my sister and I reminisce about our favorite foods, roti is probably the first one that comes to mind.

Also from my "Growing Up Caribbean Files:" Beef Patties, Beef Pelau, and Oh Lord, Vaca Frita! I could eat this EVERY DAY.

Steak Frites

This past Saturday, I met with my Junior League group for lunch at a french restaurant. Well, I skipped breakfast (a no-no, I know) because I just knew what I was going to order before I even stepped foot inside the place: Steak Frites. Done right, this dish takes no prisoners. A perfectly cooked cut of steak, prepared with a choice of sauce (from butter to bernaise to red wine to blue cheese) and topped with crispy fries. Delicieuse! As a matter of fact, I was several bites into my steak before I remembered to take a picture for this post! LOL.

Other notables from my days in Montreal: Poutine {made with beef stock}, Smoked Meat Sandwiches, and Tortiere {French-Canadian meat pie}.

So you see, beef has been an integral part of my upbringing and I try to continue to expose my family to tasty beef recipes. Make sure to check my "What's for Dinner" menu plan on our sidebar for ideas every now and then.

Now it's your turn!

In celebration of "I Heart Beef Month," you can enter to win a $100 gift card to Omaha Steaks! {Can't you just hear Kelly Ripa's voice in the back of your head?} All you have to do is the following:

1. Visit the Beef, It's What's for Dinner website. It's chock-full of helpful preparation tips, meal ideas and even video demos on how you can get your beef on.

2. Share your favorite memories of making everyday occasions special with beef. The person who leaves the most heartfelt and fun comment wins. Please include in your comment something that you found helpful on the BIWFD website.

3. Tweet this post using the #IHeartBeef hashtag.

4. Follow this blog {check out the Followers widget on our sidebar}.

But wait! There's more. Chef David Zino, executive chef of the National Cattlemen's Beef Association will be answering your questions about beef preparation and cooking. If you have a question for an expert, now's your chance. Just leave it in the comments and I'll submit it on your behalf or you can post them here.

Bon Appetit!

FYI: I wrote this review while working on a "I Heart Beef" campaign with TheMotherhood.com on behalf of The National Cattlemen's Beef Association.

2009 In 5 Simple Questions

[ Full disclosure: I totally stole these questions from NerdGirl.]

Q: Web tool. It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn't live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience.

Oh, I've tried a lot of different web tools this year: Plinky, Whrrl, iGoogle, DropSend, Evernote, Springpad, TwitterTim.es, Posterous, HootSuite (which I hate), Cozi, Slide, BigTent and a host of others. But I'd have to say my favorite is TweetDeck, with Cozi Family running a close second.


Q: Project. What did you start this year that you're proud of?

Blogalicious!

I'm so proud of us, ladies!!

Q: New person. She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

Now this is a hard one! What I really want to do is cheat and say that L'il Buddy turned my life upside down. But, since he was born in 2008, that wouldn't count. So. I will choose Kathryn Stockett and Emily Giffin. They came into my life by way of their books which I devoured this year and can't wait for their next offerings. Two very different, but captivating, writers.

And of course, Barack Obama.


Q: Shop. Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

I spent most (all?) of my mad money at the outlet shops in Bethany Beach, DE during my yearly girls' trip. Buying myself a new designer handbag is quickly becoming an October tradition.

Thanks for the good times girls!

Q: Word or phrase. A word that encapsulates your year. "2009 was: a blessing."

In these times when swine flu is lurking, the economy is languishing, jobs are dwindling, national security is threatened, and the constant news reports of philandering husbands, I thank God for my sweet little family and our fortunate life.

Happy New Year! May 2010 be all that you want it to be and more.

The Power of Partnerships (It's a Giveaway!)

Whenever Jonesie, Ny and I are together and we meet someone new, the first question we are usually asked is "How did you all meet?" and "What gave you the idea to create Blogalicious?" The truth is that we started off as friends who met in college (Jonesie and I) and then law school (Ny). After graduation, real life quickly set in and we found ourselves consulting each other daily - even multiple times a day - on issues relating to marriage and motherhood. The questions we bombarded each other with over email ranged from: Am I making enough milk? How did you find your nanny? When on earth do you guys have time to fit in Date Night? to What's your favorite brand of diapers? Are Gymboree classes really worth the money? And so on and so on. Then, one day I came across this thing called a "blog." I loved that it was an interactive and fun way to share information with friends and before we knew it, Mamalaw was born.

Partnerships That Strengthen Friendships

The blog has really been evidence of the powerful partnership that is friendship. We counsel, support and lean on each other here for all that life throws our way. And...it serves as a launching pad for other adventures, namely Blogalicious. Hardly a day goes by without someone wondering how we managed to plan and host a conference, while working and raising families. The answer is simple: we had a partnership. I'm sure any one of us would say that we would not have been able to pull anything off (except for our hair) had we been doing it alone. The beauty of our partnership is that there are three sets of shoulders to carry the load; three great minds that come up with all sorts of crazy ideas; three sets of eyes to go over everything; but most of all three good hearts that dream big. It's the power of that partnership that fueled Blogalicious 2009 and that is fueling the great projects that are to come.

Partnerships That Feed The Soul

There is one other partnership that I cannot neglect to acknowledge. If you attended the conference in October, then you got to see first hand the most important partners in our lives: our husbands. As Jonesie said, we really and truly would never have been able to juggle it all without having fantastic life partners holding down the homefront. Whether it was putting up with our myriad late-night conference calls, taking care of the kids so Mommy could go to a "meeting," or understanding that mom was preoccupied and that's why we were having spaghetti again for dinner, our hubbies weathered the storm and gave us tremendous support. It's the power of that partnership that fuels our spirits and inspires our kids.

Take a moment to reflect on all of your major accomplishments. I'm willing to bet that you didn't achieve those on your own. Was a study partner involved? A mentor? An editor? Somewhere, some kind of partnership was at play.

Partnerships That Cross Continents

A perfect example of a powerful partnership is one spearheaded three years ago by Willa Shalit and her company Fair Winds Trading. It's called "Path to Peace" and it developed an American market for Rwandan women’s crafts. It creates trade partnerships with artisans in recovering regions to bring the power of change to Rwanda and Indonesia. Shalit believes that women helping each other can change how Rwanda rebuilds its society, empowers women and sustains economic development beyond traditional development assistance. Earning, on average, nearly 14 times the national per capita income, the women are now able to feed their families and send their children to school. Through the Path to Peace project, the wonderful women of Rwanda fashion one-of-a-kind jewelry such as The O Bracelet. The bracelet, recently featured in O Magazine, is hand-made by two women--a weaver in Rwanda and a jewelry artist in New Orleans. Besides being a beautiful accessory, the message is all about partnership and the possibilities which occur when we work together.

Would you like to win your very own O Bracelet? Just leave us a comment describing a meaningful partnership in your life. A winner will be chosen on Wednesday, December 16.

Thanks to The BlogRollers Media for offering us this great giveaway!

Ouch

Chatterbox was "devastated" today because I sent her to school with an order form for the Scholastic Book Fair and the form did not contain an order for The Barbie Book! Not that I purposely chose not to select The Barbie Book!, it just so happened that it wasn't a choice on the form that was sent home. Apparently some of the other kids were just given money (and no form) and were able to choose whatever books they wanted (seems strange to me given that they are only 5 years old) but in any event, of course "everybody" got The Barbie Book!

Chatterbox was pouting that she didn't get to choose that book and I said in my wise and knowing mommy voice: "Why are you upset about the one book that you don't have? Why can't you be happy with the 5 books that you do have?" To which Hubby replied:

"Maybe she's taking after her mother."

Touche.

Coming to America

My mom emailed my brother and I today to congratulate us because today (August 26) marks 20 years since we emigrated to from Trinidad to Canada. She thanked us for making this journey with her and for being good kids and bringing her much joy. I uncontrollably burst into tears (as I am now) because although I’ve never actually celebrated the day, or even remembered it, it is not for her to thank us but rather all the gratitude goes to her.

Life in Trinidad was good. Of course, to many kids life is good no matter what. But, really life was good – my mom, although a single mom, owned her own home and car, had a good job and was making good money, had a large and tight network of friends and knew lots of the who’s who in local business. We had our extended family right around the corner and if you’ve ever been to any West Indian island you will know that the weather coupled with a slower, more relaxed lifestyle makes for great living.

Her dream for us meant so many immeasurable sacrifices for her. She gave up everything that she knew and everything that she was to provide us with an opportunity. She started her life over – which is not an easy feat for a late thirties single mom. She had to find a new career in the harsh winter weather in a new city where there were few acquaintances and even fewer friends, and where racism is so covert and systemic that it’s difficult to understand why there are so few opportunities for an immigrant woman of color. Thankfully, my aunt (her younger sister) had trekked off to Canada a few years earlier and had somewhat learned the lay of the land. Yet still my mom had to learn her way too.

As a teenage girl entering a Canadian high school in 11th grade with no friends and having never been to a co-ed school, I felt the world was closing in on me; I was sad, depressed and angry because I did not want to leave my life at home. But during those times, I never really thought of what it was like for my mom. I think I got a glimpse one evening as she walked in the door at about 7:30 at night crying because it was so cold that her nose hairs had iced as she waited for a bus and then had to walk through the snow to get home after having a rough day at work. I got a glimpse of her hardship that day, but was too wrapped up in myself to really take stock of what it might have been like for her.

Few friends, few family members, little support, little money, frigidly cold weather, new culture, new racism, new big city, new way of life, new career, little independence, little confidence and two kids! And all for what … a question that I can only imagine she asked herself over and over again in the still of the night, when no one was there to ask her questions or to see her cry, but hopefully at a time when God could hear her prayers.

My mom decided to leave home because she wanted us to have more opportunities for a better life. She wanted us to get a better education than we may have received in Trinidad. I wonder whether there were other reasons because it seems like this may not be a strong enough reason to uproot yourself and your kids. But, I guess she so strongly believed that we would have a better life that she put us before herself, as she always seems to do.

Fast forward 20 years and she’s got 2 beautiful granddaughters that I’m not quite sure she would have had otherwise. Our lives have taken a windy path and both my brother and I are still trying to figure out our life plans and our dreams but I am pretty confident that the places in which we are in our lives right now would have been completely different had my mom not left Trinidad. And although I love my home and still consider it home, I know that I would not be the person that I am today had my mom not decided to come to America in 1989.

Mom, thank you for having faith in God, for seeing the long road, for not giving up, for dreaming and for sacrificing for us. Congratulations!

Gratitude Challenge: Day 7

[Please excuse the shiny forehead, annoying mouth smacking and eyeglasses glare. Clearly, I'm new to this vlogging thing!]

Gratitude Challenge: Day 3

Today's task is to post about something I feel grateful for in my life today.

The first thing that comes to mind is Hubby. It's funny - he came up in conversation three times today with three different people I spoke to. The focus of the conversations were all different, but the feeling I came away with each time was how fortunate I am to have him for a husband. As much as he drives me nucking futs (and that's often!) he also makes me feel safe and encouraged and loved. As the years go by, I am reminded more and more that I have a gem for a partner. He is strong and faithful and disciplined and ambitious and a great companion and father.

So here it is for the record, Honey: I am so grateful for you.

The Gratitude Challenge: Week 1

The sweet folks over at Tiny*Prints must have sensed my funky mood of late, because they invited me to be one of the amazing bloggers participating in their awesome project called: The Gratitude Challenge. The Gratitude Challenge is a 21-day project created to help me take note of the brighter side of life. For a few minutes each day, I will be encouraged to spend a few minutes counting all of life's little blessings. Right on time, don't you think?

Each day there is a list of tasks for me to do, reminiscent of The Love Dare that Hubby and I recently finished, but this one is just for me. I'm very much looking forward to taking the Challenge since it seems like lately I've been caught up on the wrong side of things, focusing on what I don't have rather than all the precious things that I do.

My Gratitude Challenge Kit arrived at my doorstep in a pretty box, filled with beautiful things - most of which I can't open just yet! First, I took The Gratitude Pledge, promising to fulfill the terms of the Challenge. Here is where I need your help friends. I need you all to hold me accountable and to support and encourage me in living on the brighter side of life.

I'm hoping that this exercise will be that reminder that we all somethimes need of just how blessed we really are. For this reason, I am embracing the theme of Week 1:

BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE.

And I am.

A little woman

I just put princess to bed after her second wakening tonight. Usually, by this time of night (a little after 10 pm) I'm pretty annoyed by these "surprise visits". I usually take a hard stance and either scream (okay, shout a bit) or threaten to take away a toy/stuffed animal/book. But tonight was a little different.

I went up with her and sat in my glider with her on my lap and I rocked her for a while. Actually, I rocked her until I started to cry. While rocking, I pat her butt and stroked her arm and played with her hair. I was reminded that she's just a little baby! She was so vulnerable and sweet and although she is almost 4 years old and well over 3 ft tall, she's still a baby.

I tend to forget that a lot. I treat her more like a little woman - I'm usually really stern and harsh (although she really doesn't listen to me). I reason with her and I expect her to know better (ALL.THE.TIME). I've reflected on my tone with her before, wondering whether I was just too hard. Then I brushed the thought off reasoning with myself that I needed to be logical and reasonable and stern because there really is no other way that I would get her to grow up to be a rational and reasonable and strong woman, right? I have to be strong for her to be strong!

Then tonight I felt so sad because that could not be the way. It can't be the way because she's just a baby. I've got to check myself and remember that I have to find a way to teach her to be strong but I've got to do it in a way that she knows that I love her. Teaching a girl to be a strong AND loving woman is a lot more difficult than I thought. I figured that any woman could teach another to be a woman. But my tone and way with her may succeed in raising a strong woman but there is little hope that I would nurture a loving one and what success would that be?

Comfort Food

Lately it seems as though devastation is all around me and the most I've been able to do is provide minimal comfort in the form of food.

It all started about 3 weeks ago when one of my close friends was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. As if that isn't bad enough, she was 8 months pregnant at the time and so the doctors admitted her to the ICU so that they could monitor the baby's health as well as my friend's. She was in the hospital for 9 days, while her husband and 2 young boys were at home. To make matters worse, she wasn't even able to see her kids during her time in the hospital since ICU rules prohibit children on the floor. Her husband was understandably stressed out - and had just started a new job - and I offered to bring him a few dinners to help get him and the boys through the week. It was the least I could do to help out in a teeny tiny way. Thank goodness she's home now and both she and the baby are well.

Then the next week I learned that another one of my friends had to undergo surgery for oral cancer. She is my age and just had her third child about 3 months ago, and so this all came as a terrible surprise to me. I offered to bring her dinner and was so sad to find out that they had to remove a part of her tongue and 37 lymph nodes from her neck to ensure that the cancer was gone. Fortunately, her prognosis is great and her kids are all fine. But wait - there's more. Her husband was deployed to Iraq yesterday, leaving her to recover while caring for a preschooler, toddler and a newborn. So she packed up the family and is moving to Florida to stay with her in-laws for the next 6 months until her hubby returns home.

Just when I thought I had had enough heartbreak to last me awhile, 2 weeks ago - just a week after I had brought them a lasagna dinner to celebrate their new baby's arrival, we found out that our neighbor's baby had liver failure and had to have surgery. Did I mention that the baby is only 8 weeks old? It turns out that she doesn't have a gall bladder and had to undergo a complicated surgery to connect certain organs. Then she contracted an infection as a result of the surgery. She's still in the NICU and can hopefully return home soon.

Add in the news of the DC Metro tragedy (on my train line), Michael Jackson's sudden death and Farrah Fawcett's heartbreaking demise and it's been like there is a gray cloud hanging overheard these days.

So imagine my dismay when another friend of mine just called to say that it looks like she is going to become embroiled in a custody battle over her 4 year-old-daughter. While I am definitely counting my blessings, this is all getting to be more than my bleeding heart, and my love-filled kitchen, can handle.

You must have read my mind

We are entering week 4 of the 12 week Better U program and it’s been tough … much tougher than I could have imagined. I thought that I would see instantaneous changes in my energy, body and of course, my weight. Who was I kidding though? I know the rational responses – don’t rush, keep at it; it took months to gain and will take months to lose; it’s the small changes that count … yada, yada, yada!

I am so discouraged and just about ready to quit. It’s not the response that I should have especially since I committed to myself, to the AHA and to you that I would work at it and complete the program. But, after making some lifestyle changes – eating healthier, walking way more than I have ever in my life, eating out less – I would have expected to see some success in the weight area. Heck, even if the scale wasn’t my friend, at least I would have liked to see my clothes fitting better. But no…..nothing has changed!!!! Nothing’s getting better and I can’t understand what I need to be doing differently. What the sense, I ask myself? Why bother?

Then I log in to the Better U website to complete my course for the week and what do I see – it’s the encouragement lesson. The course this week is tailored toward finding ways to encourage women to keep at it and not give up on the program or their health (were they reading my mind or something?). It’s as if they knew that folks would be having a hard time at about week 4 and crafted tips to keep you going. It’s definitely making me feel better and I will bear in mind their suggestions:
(1) build on past success – remember a time when you achieved a positive change in your life and think about what kept you motivated and remember how you felt once you achieved your goal;
(2) keep goals SMART (specific; measurable, appropriate, realistic and with a time frame);
(3) rely on your support team; and
(4) commit to making the change.

So, I’m encouraged again and I will remember those few years in my life where all I could think about was looking hot in a two piece costume for Trinidad Carnival - where I did all that I could do to reach that goal. I will think of how amazing I felt being able to wear that bikini costume with pride knowing that I was beautiful and slim and sexy (P.S. that’s not me in the picture, but that’s what the ladies look like, so you can only imagine the pressure).

Although I doubt that I will reach that weight ever again in life, I will keep in mind my goal of losing 20 pounds and take it one pound per week at a time. I will not give up and I will stop beating myself up.

If you’re having a hard time too, visit the Better U site for some tips. Honestly, the tips hit home with other aspects of my life too!

The Big City Life

I am spending most of this week in DC for a work related conference. DC is where I lived when I was in law school and the conference is not too far from the campus. So of course, all the places around are all too familiar- the smell, the noises, the people. It's making me home sick even after five years of living in Florida. Truth is, I don't like where we live. Rather than list all the reasons I don't like where I live, I'll just list all the thinks I miss most about DC.

Things I miss the most are:

• The restaurants. I love eating out, it's my favorite thing to do. There are so many great restaurants here and they are packed day to late night. (Side note: The economy seems to be booming here.)
• Walking. I have seen so many women and men, in suits, pushing their children in strollers. Kids seem happy, parents seem happy. All part of the daily routine. Where I live now, people don't walk. We drive our cars everywhere we go. Hot or cold, we drive. My neighbors pull their car out of their garage and drive to the pool in our subdivision.
• You can get your hair done for $25.00 here. It costs me at least $45 and they don't do a good job. My hair is not even the same anymore. It was long and luscious when I lived in DC. Now it's short, dry, and hard to do.
• The architecture is beautiful here. You just don't see these types of structures where I live. Unless you pay an arm and a leg, and give them your first born, your house will mostly look just like your neighbors.
• Things stay open late, the hair salon, the nail shop, the restaurants, the movies. I'm a night owl, this is perfect for me.
• My friends! I left so many good friends here. I miss my friends.
• Last but not least, everyone here seems so damn smart and intellectual. And by everyone, I mean people of all shapes, colors, and sizes. That's not common where I live and I sometimes worry that there are not enough "role models" for my kids. I don't want them to be surprised when they see a minority or woman in a powerful position, or in an intellectual position. That's how I grew up. It sucked.

So why did we leave DC? We left because that was always "The Plan." The plan was that Hubby and I would live here a few years, he would get a few years of work experience under his belt, then we would move back to his hometown so that he could work in the family business. That was the plan. I knew it going into this deal. So when it was time to go, we put the house on the market and within three days it was sold.

I'm not resentful about it and I know Hubby is probably reading this and thinking he knew this was coming. I guess it's all part of marriage- you sometimes have to give things up for the good of the family. So that's what I did. Did I give up to too much? I don't know, but there's no point in even thinking that way.

Saying "No"

Ever since I was a little girl, I've been a people pleaser. Whether it was my parents, my teachers, or my (gag) boyfriends, I've always tried to make everyone happy - even if it was to my detriment. It didn't help that I am also a classic overachiever and a Type A personality, which lent itself well to law school and the bar exam, and even motherhood, where I proudly sport the title of Alpha Mom. It's only been in recent months that I've realized that this "quality" of mine to do it all and do it well might actually be more of a curse than a blessing.

Continue reading "Saying 'No'" at DC Metro Moms Blog...

I'm Not Failing as a Mother or Wife

Have any of you ever felt like your home life was out of control, or is it just me?

I have this weight on my shoulders lately that just seems to get heavier and heavier. I don't know what it is. Is it hormones, is it stress, WHAT IS IT? I can't shake it. Lately I've been in a funk and feel like my home life is out of control. And by home life, I mean my children, the house, and all the things that go along with keeping a house/raising children. Remember Ny's post last week where she described trepidation about having to return to work? She described feeling a sense of calmness since she's been able to focus on family first rather than her job, all thanks to her layoff from a job that was very stressful. I totally understood what she meant. When the home life is good it seems that everything else just falls into place.

I know I'm overreacting but this stupid guilt is weighing heavy on my heart. My two boys are constantly fighting and therefore, I feel like I'm constantly yelling at my kids. Hubby and I seem to only have enough time to keep the family/common areas of the house clean, therefore I don't even want to walk into any of the bedrooms or bathrooms. I remember one night a few weeks ago, our neighbor came to get her son who is now Oldest's BFF. When she walked in, the dog started barking like crazy, Little "B" was in the middle of a having a fit and crying, and the house was a mess. The whole time I had this fake look on my face like "Yeah, I have this all under control." She came, saw the madness, quickly got her son, and ran the hell out of Dodge.

I wanted to die of embarrassment. Her house is always spotless. Meanwhile, I prefer to use the guest bathroom in my house because it seems like that's the only one safe to use. (Boys)

I won't go on and complain about how laundry is everywhere, how my garage is full of stuff I need to mail or take to Goodwill that was packed up weeks ago. I won't because complaining and feeling overwhelmed is for the weak.

Instead of worrying about how I'm setting a poor example for my kids each time I yell at them to stop fighting, or clean their rooms while mine is a mess, I'm going to finish reading all those books I bought last summer on raising good kids so you don't have to yell and I'm going to shut up and put up. All this complaining is getting me nowhere.

I am not one to feel pity for myself because my life is "so hard." I know plenty of women that have it much harder than I do. Feeling pity is for the weak. I didn't go to law school because I'm weak. I didn't have a baby, get my best grades, graduate from law school, pass the bar, and start my first job all in one year because I'm a wimp. Nope, not me.

It's time to tighten up my laces and pick up where I left off in this marathon of life because I'm really just getting started. School will be out in less than two weeks so I better have it all together by then. I try to make sure my kids have great summers so I need to stop feeling like grouchy mama and start acting like super mama.

Treasure time

You may remember that I was laid off in February and then about 1 month ago I accepted a position at my old, old job and I've just been waiting on a start date. Well, I will be starting on Monday. I'm excited to start and I know hubby is excited too although he won't actually say it.

So....why do I feel like this? I feel sooooo blue. I am excited to get back out there and make some money, but I am so afraid that I will just get right back into the flow of things and I'm even more afraid that I'm going to lose what I just found.

You see, for various reasons I don't think I've ever really been a good wife nor a good mother (see this post). I don't think I ever really embraced either role very well and I know for sure that I've never quite been able to balance them simultaneously. When hubby and I first got married, I had about a month's gap in between jobs and I was adjusting to being married. You know...that transitional period where you're not quite sure what you're doing and you're moving from that me stage to the we stage. Then, three years later I spent a year at home when daughter was born and I loved it - being able to be here to nurture and love her and have the comfort of knowing that she was safe and well cared for. However, during that entire year, I wasn't really much of a wife.

For some reason when I got laid off a couple months things were just different with me. I think I've matured as a person and wanted to try to do better for my daughter and my husband and ultimately for myself. I actually felt a sense of accomplishment taking care of them - cooking, cleaning, laundry, school related activities, involvement with hubby's job etc. I have NEVER felt that way before. I also de-stressed and did a lot of reflection and dreaming during this time as well. Another first for me. I believe I can say that I've been happy - truly happy during this time.

I sit here on Thursday almost in tears because I am honestly afraid of what's going to unfold come Monday morning. I am fearful that I'm going to fall back in line and back into the rat race. I'm afraid that I'm going to be stressed out and not take care of us anymore. I'm afraid that I'm going to get wrapped up in my job and bring all that stuff home. I'm sad that I probably will not be able to provide hot meals when they come home in the afternoon, not be able to play pretend with daughter, not have a clean house everyday, not spend time at the playground on the weekend, not run all household errands during the week so that we can spend time together on the weekend.

I am sad that I'm not going to have time any more. Maybe that was the treasure that I discovered during this period - I discovered the beauty and endless possibilities that come with time. I hope that my fears are just fears and that I don't become overwhelmed by this feeling.

Thirteen Minutes Before I'm Cut Off

I've been sitting here at Panera for several hours, catching up on emails, work, blogging, Facebook (okay, not really FB see below), and some much needed me time. My battery now has 11 minutes of juice left before my laptop dies. This means that in 11 minutes my me time will probably have to end because I have accomplished all that I wanted to and really, there's nothing pressing that I have to do.

Today the weather was really beautiful and I took the entire day for myself. It was this or else I wouldn't even want to be around me. I really enjoyed my me time. Much needed. We all need it, but we never take it, or at least not enough.

I've been sitting here people watching and working. I've seen all kinds of people. Students studying, doing group work, hanging out, whatever. Folks catching a quick bite to eat or taking a break from shopping. I also saw many couples and families come and go. I watched as a young mom worryied over her young infant that looked a few weeks old. You could tell nothing else mattered to her except for making sure her baby's milk was warm. She made me think back to my family when we were just three. As a new mom you worry about everything. You are so caught up in the moment. Life seemed so hard, but in hindsight, I can't help thinking how easy just having one child was. A family of five is really hard. Paying for tuition times three is really hard. Getting us all ready for church is really hard. Making sure the (one) baby had a good burp before I put him back in his infant carrier, not so hard. Hoping my food isn't cold when I finally could eat, not so hard.

As I saw bigger families come and go, I couldn't help but chuckle. Either things went smooth or they didn't. You know how it goes. Made me wonder about what my kids were doing at home. Whether the kids were giving Hubby a run for his money, what they ate for lunch, what he planned on doing for dinner (whether he would call me to ask me what the plan was for dinner), how today would have been a great day to go fishing. I started to feel guilty, for a moment. Shouldn't I be home, taking part in the beautiful day with my family? Probably. Maybe? Maybe not? No, I wasn't going home.

But that time is over, I'm down to my last few seconds. My battery light is flashing.....BYE!

Baby Love

There's nothing like having a baby in the house.

The sweet smell. The chubby limbs. Seeing the wonder and amazement in their eyes.

You can't beat it.

What Is Your Six Word Memoir?

UPDATED: Thanks for submitting your memoirs, these are really good!

If you had to tell someone who you were, or summarize experiences of what has shaped your life, your personality, or you in general could you do that? Better yet, could you do it only six words? A friend of mine introduced me to a book entitled, Not Quite What I was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure. The concept is really neat, and once you learn about it, you'll want to write your own six word memoir and also ask others around what theirs would be.

Your six word memo must be just that, a six word story. Some of my favorite six word memoirs listed on the Editor's website include:

"Trying Not To Repeat Stupid Mistakes."
"Not quite what I was planning."
"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."
“I like big butts, can’t lie.”
"Searched for Gold. Returned with Diamonds."

Here is my six word memoir:

"Someone will find this story funny."

What is yours?