Scene & Heard: Holiday Edition

[Scene - Nighttime on December 25. Chatterbox's and Giggles' bedroom. Girls saying their bedtime prayers.]

Heard...
Me: Girls, remember to thank God for your Christmas presents.
Chatterbox: But Mom, God didn't bring us our presents...Santa did!
Me: [silently] Oh boy.

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[Scene - Day 5 of Kwanzaa. At the living room table lighting the kinara.]

Heard...
Me: Girls, today we celebrate Nia, which means purpose. "Purpose" means our reason for being or what we're meant to do. Can you tell me what your purpose is?
Chatterbox: My purpose is to WEAR MOMMY OUT!

I swear I can't even make this stuff up.

Scene & Heard: Citizen's Arrest

Scene:
In the grocery store. Chatterbox and Giggles are "driving" in the kids car attached to the shopping cart. Giggles is doing something (i.e. breathing) and getting on Chatterbox's nerves.

Heard:
Chatterbox: [at the top of her lungs] Giggles, STOP IT!

Giggles: [at the top of her lungs and on the verge of a meltdown] Chatterbox, STOOOOOP IIIIIIT!

Me: [stopping the cart and walking to the front to intervene before blood is shed] What is the problem?

Chatterbox: [calm and collected] Hello Officer. Can you please take her to jail?

Me: [bursting out laughing in the produce aisle]

Scene and Heard: Because Target Has EVERYTHING

Scene:
In the kids' bathroom, getting ready to give L'il Buddy a bath. Chatterbox enters and squeals with delight.

Heard:
Me: What's got you so excited?

Chatterbox: I looooove the baby's "privacy" [that's what we call, well, their privates]

Me: Really? [Bracing myself] Why?

Chatterbox: Because it's cute. And I don't have one!

Me: [cautiously] No...you don't.

Chatterbox: Can you buy me one? From Target?

Oy.

Murder she wrote...

As if you needed another reason not to cheat, think of murder.

As you may have heard, Steve McNair of the Tennessee Titans was found dead on July 4th in a condo that he rented with a friend (I am assuming that he rented this condo for his stay in TN because he lived in another state). He was found shot twice in the head and twice in the chest. At his feet was girlfriend Saleh Kazemi who was also dead from one bullet wound. At this time the police aren't calling it a murder-suicide, but it sure looks that way to me.

Reports say that he had been seeing Kazemi for a few months after meeting her at a Dave & Busters where she was a server. What disgusts me about this story is the fact that he has been married for 12 years and has three or four kids. May he rest in peace, but McNair, what were you thinking? Not only were you 16 years her senior, but you were willing to throw your life, your marriage, your family all away for someone you picked up at D&B????

His poor wife ... my heart really goes out to her. Not only having to deal with the fact that her husband was cheating, but now his death as well. Hopefully, for her sake, she knew about the cheating before, because otherwise this is a double whammy for her. I think it's enough to drive a woman crazy. I hope she's doing fine.

But, let this be a warning to all those men out there, just in case all the other reasons weren't enough, there are some crazy, psycho "ladies" that may end up murdering you if they can't get their way...

Scene & Heard: Like Mother, Like Daughter

SCENE:
At home; Sunday morning.

HEARD:
Me: Chatterbox, we have a lot of cleaning to do today!
Chatterbox: I can't deal with it.

To be honest, neither could I. And so we went to the park. True story.

Scene and Heard: A Fairy Tale

Scene:
Getting the girls ready for bed. Chatterbox playing with her Disney Fairies stamps.

Heard:
Chatterbox: Mommy, where do fairies live?

Me: Um, in a fairy forest.

Chatterbox: Can we go there?

Me: Oh no. It's a very special and magical place.

Chatterbox: How do we get there Mommy?

Me: I have no idea. Only the fairies know.

Chatterbox: Can we call OnStar?


This is definitely a new generation of kids.

Scene & Heard 3: In the Elevator

Scene:
This morning in the elevator on the way to my office floor, Starbucks cup in hand.

Heard:
Woman: "What are you doing drinking coffee?" Flashes fake smile.

Me: "Actually it's not coffee - it's decaf tea." Flashes fake smile.

Woman: "Actually, tea is just as bad as coffee." Flashes fake smile.

Me: "Not if it's decaffeinated." Flashes fake smile. [Thinking: Why are you all up in my cup??]

Woman: "Good luck with your pregnancy, dear!" Flashes fake smile and waves.

Maybe I need to start looking mean. Apparently my demeanor gives people the idea that I'm approachable and they can just tell me whatever they want!

Scene and Heard

SCENE:

Monday evening, in the car, packed to the hilt with bags from everyone's favorite superstore.

HEARD:

Chatterbox: "Mommy, I LIKE that Target. They got too many stuffs!"

Me: (thinking) You got that right sister.

She's an early learner.

Scene and Heard

SCENE:
Our house. 7:00pm.

Hubby has just finished giving Chatterbox her bath and she runs into the kitchen in her birthday suit.

HEARD:
Me: "Ummm...What are you doing?"

Chatterbox: "Walkin' in prosperity."

Me: Falling out laughing.

Nice to know all of my harried trips to church with two toddlers in tow haven't been in vain!

Hallelujah.

Scene & Heard 2

Scene:
In the kitchen after dinner. I open the fridge and a sippy cup of milk falls out and splatters onto the floor.

Me: Doggone it!

Hubby: Did the the lid come loose or did it crack?

Me: It cracked.

Chatterbox: Don't say that Mommy-Daddy! Bad word!

Hubby: What's bad? Crack?

Chatterbox: Yes Daddy!

Hubby: Well, you're right about that - crack IS bad...

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Scene:
In the car on the way to school. Chatterbox opens her lunchbox to inspect the contents.

Chatterbox: STACEEEY! It's TOO MUCH! Laughs heartily.

Me: [Laughing] Did I give you too much food?

Chatterbox: Yes!

Me: [Looking at the crackers, ham, cheese, strawberries, apple sauce, fruit snacks, juice.]

It's because I love you and I don't want you to be hungry. I guess I did go a bit overboard!

It was so cute I almost cried. Naturally.