December 06, 2006

MamaLaw #5 - The grace Period to lose the baby weight should be at least 1 year post-partum

Am I right? Perhaps this is an important law to me because GummiBear is already 9 months old and I am nowhere close to my pre-baby(#2) weight. Whatever the case, how is a new mom (and YES, I still consider myself a new mom) supposed to get her figure back any sooner? Let us review the impeding factors, shall we:

1) NO SLEEP
Really, do you need to see any more factors? I shouldn't think so, but if you are from the School of Hard Knocks and believe that moms should have the endurance of a
US Special Forces Soldier, then here are some more...

2) Breastfeeding
Time consuming, exhausting, difficult, and makes you hungry. Granted, not all moms breastfeed, but even if they don't, the child still needs to be fed. All day. All night. Which takes us back to point #1.

3) NO SLEEP
See point #1.

4) No time/energy to cook
See above for reasons why. This means you are eating whatever you can get your hands on, no matter what time of day. If you are in the slim minority of women whose husbands cook the meals (first - keep it to yourself, you wretch) consider yourself fortunate. Otherwise, if you are like the rest of us and make the meals, then a new baby means no healthful meal planning or preparation and therefore, for the most part, unhealthy food choices.

5) NO SLEEP
Are we seeing a pattern?

6) No time/energy to exercise
Not to mention, if you were like me and your pelvis didn't fall back into place until at least month-4-post-partum, the mere thought of getting on an elliptical machine caused you emotional trauma. You ever hear the medical advice that a woman should wait at least 9 months after giving birth before trying to conceive again because her body needs to recover? Well, hello! Your body is still recovering! I joined a lunchtime toning class at work and, the following happened:

instructor: "lie in your backs"

me (to myself): ok, no prob

instructor: "now lift both legs off of the ground until they are at a 90 degree angle with your torso"

me (to myself): ok, no prob

me (to myself): wait a minute, I could have sworn that I told my brain to lift my legs. why isn't it working? Oh my god, I'm paralyzed! HELP. Oh wait, it's just because I have NO ABDOMINAL MUSCLES.

True story.

7) NO SLEEP
It's really annoying.

8) Priorities
So let's say by some miracle you do get a free minute from your mommy-duties. Do you really want to spend it doing lunges? Or do you want to: call your bestfriend-watch your baby sleep-check your email-eat something-open the mail-watch Grey's Anatomy-throw in a load of laundry-sleep-take a bubble bath-mop the floor or make love to your husband? [in that order, lol] That's what I thought.

9) NO SLEEP
What day is it?

10) You don't want to wake the baby.
Laugh if you want to, but this was/is a real concern for me. The elliptical squeaks extremely loudly and would most certainly wake a sleeping baby (for real!) Running up and down the hardwood stairs would make noise. As would jumping around to an aerobics tape. What am I supposed to do?? Sit-ups? Yoga?
Stroller Strides? Who asked you anyway.

11) NO SLEEP
You try staying awake for 90 consecutive days. I dare you.

12) You just don't feel like it.
Be real. Unless you were into fitness before, chances are you just don't have the motivation to get out in the December weather to run 1.5 miles. Despite the fact that you have the "support" of your husband to "motivate" you by saying things like: "I think those pants are too tight".

To which I would refer you to
MamaLaw#1.

P.S.
Make sure to check out the Mama Blog Spotlights of the Day! I try to scope out the good ones.

6 comments:

Justice Ny said...

You brought tears to my eyes....this posting was so hilarious (in a good way). Everything you said is true, but it was funny as s%*t.

I can relate in every way. Although DH doesn't say much about the extra 15 pounds that have seemed to call my mind-section home, he does hint that "we've got to do something about it." Yup....that's really motivating:)

Justice Jones said...

This was really funny. And I always tell myself that I'm going to start my workout routine on Monday. You just have work in at least 30 minutes 3 times a week and do something. That's all it takes!! I'm not going to even lie and say I don't have 30 minutes. It's just that when I do have the time, I end up doing something else. Like, checking this Blog!! Although I'm happy with my weight for the most part, I need to tone up big time. I'm tired of rolling all my extra skin into my clothes. I feel like Star Jones. I'm only 29. There are 40+ women out there with better bodies than me. It's pretty pathetic.

AAlozie said...

Hilarious! I'm a wife and mom of 3 boys (6, 3, 21 mos.) Baby #1 bounced back to pre-baby wirght immediately:) Baby #2 was getting there...then...it happened:) Baby #3 was/is huge and 21 mos. later, still waiting to see my old self (yeah, good luck)....anyway, love the blog...am a lawyer in NY too...buzz me if you'd like another Justice:)

Lexi said...

LOVED this post! I have one year old triplets and a 12 year old, and just got on my elliptical yesterday for the first time. I can see my old shape hiding under the blobs of baby fat. I just wonder when they will stop being shy and just come back! Thanks for the laugh. It was so funny (and true) that I started to think if I read it over and over I may just develop abs again. :-)

Marina Kamen aka MARINA said...

That's really funny - and I have no time to SLEEP either.

3 kids and a business to run... not to mention creating 1200 iPod workouts for downloading.. now off to lose some pie off my thighs!

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