Vicki and Simon’s conflict was the focus of this week’s episode and it is an important and pressing issue that I often struggle with. Who do I talk to about issues in my marriage and how much should I share? I have found that the line between support and intrusion/judgment is very fine and extremely risky.
During Tamra’s conversation with Vicki, Tamra said that she was “venting in confidence as a girlfriend” and didn’t expect Vicki to throw it back in Simon’s face. That statement hit the nail on the head because I think we quite often feel the need to talk with our friends or family members about our marriage’s downs, but what we miss is that we never talk about the ups. We all go through hills and valleys in our relationships and when you vent only during your time in the valley that (mis)shapes other people’s opinions of your partner and your relationship. What amplifies the situation is that by the time you and your partner are back on a high, your friends and family are still judging your relationship based on the information shared while you weren’t doing so well. Sometimes it’s easy to mend what’s going on within the relationship, but those negative feelings will linger for your family and friends. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way suggesting not to lean on friends and family for support, but just remember that you’ve got to bring them along as you climb out of the rut as well otherwise you’ll have a Vicki-Simon situation.
Tamra made this mistake and I can’t fault Vicki for trying to support her friend. All the drama is really because there is little spoken of the good things that have occurred in Tamra’s life and her marriage and all Vicki sees in Simon is that he’s the “bad guy”. In the same manner that Tamra spoke to Vicki about her marriage woes, she should have also shared with her that she and Simon were trying to mend their issues. Does Tamra owe Vicki that conversation – I think not! But I think Tamra owes her marriage that conversation.