April 13, 2009

We Don't Have to Be Friends

You know that forward that you got one time or another about girlfriends, some are here for a season, some are here forever, either way, when they are there, you love them? I know I'm doing a terrible job at describing it but you know the one, right? Anyhow, I've been thinking a lot about the friends I had in college, in law school, and even now as a "working professional" and I seem to have a very short list. In fact, I don't have many friends.

I don't know at what point this all happened. But I went from having so many girlfriends to having a handful of girls that I could truly call my girls. When did this happen? Did it happen when I was the first in my circle to get married or to have a baby?

I don't really know, but I am mature enough to say that I am totally okay with it. Some of my "friendships" are so superficial that I finally told myself to just let it go. Why pretend? Why keep it going? It's not like anything happened. We just grew apart, plain and simple.

We went from speaking occasionally, to speaking on holidays and birthdays, to maybe including that person in your mass "Merry Christmas" text sent to random people you know.

But here's what bothers me about superficial friends. They want you to be happy for them but you have a child or something and they don't even call you. You send them pictures of your kids, no response. You share some good news, no response. Finally, you no longer send them the news, right? Clearly they are not interested. They get a new job and I'm expected to send a plant for their office or something. And because I'm nice, I end up doing it. Then you don't even get a thank you for it? Tah!! I'm such a chump.

Why do girls do that? It seems like guys can go years without talking, then next thing you know they bump into each other on vacation somewhere and they are best of chums again.

Just my thoughts.

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Justice Fergie said...

GIRL, i totaly hear ya. in fact i wrote a post on this very same subject just the other day:


i used to be hurt, but now? i'm totally ok with it. like u said: "we don't have to be friends" and clearly, we really aren't!

esquiremom said...


Anonymous said...

You know what? Less is more...I've lived by that since '92. :) -Felicia

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

I can so relate...I, too, don't have many friends. I'm a stay-at-home mom so when I left the work force a lot of my "friends" (and nearly all of my adult interaction) disappeared.

Now, since I spend so much time (actually all my time) with my very young kids, I've realized that I want to be friends with moms that have similar parenting philosophies to me.

It's no fun being on a playdate and cringing at the way another mom talks to her kids. Or when she doesn't scold her child for something that I think is completely inappropriate (like hitting another kid) while my kids look on...

"We don't have to be friends" is right on...

Michele@Integrated Mother said...

I totally relate, but I've never been one to have a harem of friends either. Always kept a small cluster of "my girls," most of whom I still talk to at least once a week even though we're separated by miles and oceans.

Frankly, I'm too busy to be BFFs with too many people. Relationships take work and I've got my hands full managing DH and the kids. At the end of most days, I just want to sit in a dark room (alone) anyway. :)

Tara said...

I was JUST thinking about this! So timely.

It's true though - once you get married it's harder to maintain those friendships that perhaps weren't all too strong to begin with.

But what I've realized is that it's OKAY. Everyone doesn't need 10friends to kick it with. Because, really, who has time to nurture relationships with all those people? I know I don't. I have my "core" of about four friends, some of us are closer than others.

Men, like you pointed out, don't really have this problem. My hubby has had the same group of five friends since middle school. They're like "The Wood." (I swear our wedding weekend was just like that...Well, maybe more like The Best Man...) Kicking it til the end, through the marriage, babies and all. We could learn a thing or two from them! LOL.

Tanyetta said...

So true! So True!

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