November 15, 2006

Opposing Counsel...

In-laws should be more understanding during the Holidays:

Every Christmas, since I met DH, have been spent with his family partly or wholly. That's worked out great for him, but I think that we've created the erroneous expectation that we should spend every Christmas with them. I would like to spend Christmas with my family. The problem is that because we've done it this way for some time now, DH believes that we should simply continue the tradition. It's a point of contention with us...so much so that I don't even want to think about it any more. How should I handle it?

7 comments:

Justice Fergie said...

Yes, they should. But it's their job to be difficult. So really, your husband needs to step in. He is the liason between you and them, and, as your husband, it should be his place to field the issues arising from his side of the family -- and you should do the same for him. I think that you should sit down and have a heart-to-heart. Explain that your family is in another country and that you rarely get to see them, as he knows. His family on the other hand, is a car ride away, you all make the trip to see his family fairly often. Propose a new plan for the holidays that you both can agree on; maybe alternate holidays between the in-laws (one year with your fam, the next with his). Or, if your mom flies down for Thanksigivng, then you can do Christmas with his. Mention that it's not only about you and him anymore, but Lady Day should be able to spend time with both families. Easier said than done, I know.

Luckily my DH is pretty easy going about that stuff. My issue is keeping my divorced parents, stepmom, and his parents content. With three sets of "parents" that want to see the girls, the holidays are always a hard time and I always come out feeling like somebody got their feelings hurt. This year, it will be my dad and stepmom. But what can you do.

See what I mean! The holidays should be SIMPLE.

Justice Fergie said...

Or what about having a joint family Christmas? Maybe have Christmas at your house and invite family members from both sides...This is what we did our first Christmas after we got married and it worked out well.

Justice Ny said...

I agree that the Holidays SHOULD be simple, but it's not that easy. On paper it seems fairly straight-forward, but the truth of the matter is that DH is very sensitive about his family and there are rarely heart-to-hearts on this subject.

But back to the important issue...Lady Day. I guess I'll have to stop thinking about myself when it comes to things like family and think about her and try best to expose her to both sides of the family.

Tres Leches said...

Well I finally was able to join! Not sure about my name. Anyhow, I like J. Fergie's idea, do a joint holiday but this can get complicated if either family is large. So, what you can do instead is spend Christmas with one family and New Years with the other family. Even better, invite one family to visit you, that way, you only have to travel one time.

Justice Fergie said...

Welcome Tres Leches! But you've gotta at least be "Justice" Tres Leches to hold court :-) But I admit, you've inspired me to come up with a cuter name...

Tres Leches said...

I didn't realize that we had to have a legal name until after I blogged on (is that the correct term?) I'm considering changing my name since I'm not sure I like Tres Leches.
Let me play the party pooper for a second and just comment that this is actually time consuming! First I have to check e-mail, then I have to check this and figure out if there have been new posts. HMPH!

Justice Fergie said...

Um, yes you are being a party pooper :-) BUT this blog isn't meant to be time consuming. There shouldn't be any pressure involved...It's simply a place to vent, rant, etc. So check when you can and blog when you can. No biggie!

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