So Tell Me How You Really Feel...
Yesterday I was leaving church and (of course) had to make a pit stop in the ladies' room. My church is relatively small and I pretty much know everyone, but there was an older lady in there that I hadn't seen before. She smiled and asked if this was going to be my first child and I told her that it was actually going to be my third. She was congratulatory and all the rest, and then started asking how I was feeling, etc. Anyway, somehow I ended up telling her that I worked full time and that's where the conversation went down hill...
She immediately said "OH. You work." And that's when I knew where the conversation was headed. She then went on to say "People usually get angry with me for saying this but, I don't understand why women who work have children. It doesn't make any sense that you would leave your child with a stranger. My husband and I were married 14 years, until he passed, and I am proud to say that my children never spent a day in anyone else's care." And on. And on. Of course I'm paraphrasing based on what I remember, but you get the gist. She even went on to say that she knew of a woman who had a baby and returned to work after 6 months. She told the woman "Well, what was the point of having a baby if you were going to leave her after 6 months?" She also said that "if every woman did what the Bible said and took care of the home like she is supposed to, she would not need to work."
Yup. She did.
So at this point I'm deciding whether it's worth defending my position, or if I should just be polite, smile and leave. It was odd because on the one hand I don't necessarily disagree with her. On the other hand, I wanted to explain to her that all women don't always have the luxury of not working outside of the home (not to mention those who just choose to). So I basically told her that, while she was blessed to have been able to stay home with her children, not everyone can afford to do that and that just because a woman must work doesn't mean that she should not experience the blessing of having children. I didn't want to be rude (even though I thought that she was rude), and I left it at that. She said that she would "pray for me" that one day I could stay at home with my children. I thanked her and got out of dodge.
Sheesh. Next time I'll just hold it until I get home.
She immediately said "OH. You work." And that's when I knew where the conversation was headed. She then went on to say "People usually get angry with me for saying this but, I don't understand why women who work have children. It doesn't make any sense that you would leave your child with a stranger. My husband and I were married 14 years, until he passed, and I am proud to say that my children never spent a day in anyone else's care." And on. And on. Of course I'm paraphrasing based on what I remember, but you get the gist. She even went on to say that she knew of a woman who had a baby and returned to work after 6 months. She told the woman "Well, what was the point of having a baby if you were going to leave her after 6 months?" She also said that "if every woman did what the Bible said and took care of the home like she is supposed to, she would not need to work."
Yup. She did.
So at this point I'm deciding whether it's worth defending my position, or if I should just be polite, smile and leave. It was odd because on the one hand I don't necessarily disagree with her. On the other hand, I wanted to explain to her that all women don't always have the luxury of not working outside of the home (not to mention those who just choose to). So I basically told her that, while she was blessed to have been able to stay home with her children, not everyone can afford to do that and that just because a woman must work doesn't mean that she should not experience the blessing of having children. I didn't want to be rude (even though I thought that she was rude), and I left it at that. She said that she would "pray for me" that one day I could stay at home with my children. I thanked her and got out of dodge.
Sheesh. Next time I'll just hold it until I get home.
Mamalaw is a group blog about three moms and wives who just happen to be lawyers too. We have seven kids between us which means that we have no shortage of funny stories, touching moments, reasons to rant and the occasional kernel of parenting wisdom. In our "spare time," we founded 
6 comments:
I think you gave the correct response considering you were at church and all. She was rude, no doubt, considering she has no idea why you work away from home. There are pros and cons to both sides. Ideally, it would be great if all moms that wanted to stay home with their children could do so. Among other reasons, our government unfortunately does not support this possibility. But that's another story.
Look at the bright side, you have one more person praying that you will be fortunate enough to stay home with the kids. :)
wow. I am so impressed with your restraint. I usually have some and probably would have just smiled and walked away. But when I was pregnant - there was no stopping me. My husband said people were scared to talk to me, because if it came in my head it came out my mouth! I would have completely flipped out on her. You have one more point in heaven for that!
I think that was a perfect response. Some people just feel their way is the right way for everyone.
Good response and I admire your restraint.
Wow, you're a better woman than me, haha. Your response was on point, I don't know if I could have been so polite.
I'm voting with Justice Jones on this one!
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