Play at my house - why don't you?!?!?

I have a similar situation that Justice Jones had a few weeks ago about playdates - in this case, it's not really a date - and therein lies the problem!

There is a little boy who lives a couple houses down the street from us and he's about a year older than DD. The little boy "J" is ALWAYS outside. It absolutely drives me crazy - 10 am in the morning, he's outside, 3 pm in the afternoon, he's outside, 9 pm at night - J's outside (are you sensing my annoyance yet????). Anyway, because he's always outside DD always wants to play with him. It was fine during the winter because they would see each other periodically and play outside for a few minutes because it would eventually get too cold for DD and she would come inside. Anyway, now that the weather is great, we are greeted at the car by J - literally! Before I can even get out of the car, J is standing there...waiting. It's a little inconvenient because there are times that DD has not yet eaten and J is there waiting for us. And of course, as soon as DD sees J she forgets that she's hungry or needs to be changed. So, it definitely is hampering my ability to get my child in the house to start the evening routine. What really bugs me as well is that his family says absolutely nothing about it (Gripe # 1).

At first, DD and J would play outside and call it quits after about an hour or so -- That was totally fine with me. Sometimes, I even encouraged J to join DD is her playroom in our house because that gave me the flexibility to get dinner started or watch the news or whatever my heart desired. I much preferred them playing in the play room than outside because of all the safety issues that can occur when they are outside.

Anyway, DH allowed DD to go to J's house to play. A decision that had me uneasy, but not necessarily upset. I was never allowed to go to other people's houses to play when I was a child - so I'm a little tainted in my view of this practice. But because DH was not as 'protected' as I was, he didn't really see a problem with the home-visits. So, I let it go. But, recently I started feeling more uncomfortable with it - mainly because I don't particularly like the fact that J's family will let him come over to our house without asking any questions or even checking on him. I don't agree with their parenting style and I wonder what kind of supervision my 2.5 yr old is getting when she goes over to their house. So, I talked to DH about my concerns and although he doesn't agree he said he would refrain from allowing her over there.

Now, back to the issue...because I don't want DD at J's house, J has been invited to our house. However, J has an older cousin "JJ". She's about 5 years old and they are always playing together. JJ does not live with J but she visits almost every afternoon. So, now we have the issue of not only J coming over to our house, but JJ is coming too. To be honest, we have never really invited JJ - she just tags along because J is coming over. The problem is that JJ is much older than DD and she tries to boss DD around and she wreaks havoc on our playroom. She trashes a lot of the toys and she plays with things that we restrict and then she tries to go walking through our house rather than playing in the playroom and we don't allow that. (Gripe #2).

I know this sounds like I'm over-reacting but I don't want to be mean to a child, but JJ just doesn't listen and is a little harder to control than J. Of course, there is always a little bit of hesitation in exercising control over someone else's child and as a parent, I don't want to be forced to be too firm with JJ but that's what it's coming to. Also, with JJ around J becomes more difficult to handle as well. So.....JJ really changes the dynamic of the playtime. I don't want to be mean, but I don't want her coming over to my house. What do I do? How do I handle it? Any advice......