April 26, 2007

Just Call Them Jed and Granny

I actually like washing the dishes in my sink. And I like washing them because it lets me spend time looking out of my kitchen window. Especially during this time of year when flowers are blooming and squirrels are scurrying and children are riding their tricycles up and down the sidewalk while screaming like wild banshees and hubby is riding his overpriced ride-on lawnmower around the yard. Looking out the window is calming and heartwarming and I am usually so excited that warm weather is finally here.

Except this year.

Our wonderful neighbors moved to Florida to enjoy their retirement. Selfish wretches. And so new neighbors moved in. They seemed nice enough - a young couple and their dog. But let me tell you. I see right through their "oh we're lighting the outdoor fire pit this evening and having some friends over and we'd love to have you join us for a beer" and their "oh thank you so much for the cookies, these are our favorite" lines. They are just trying to butter us up. So that they could build AN ATROCIOUS MONSTROSITY OF A "VEGETABLE GARDEN" RIGHT ALONG THE EDGE OF THEIR YARD THAT BORDERS OURS.

It started off with an ugly rectangle of bricks that was uneven and tacky. They must've realized it because the guy told hubby one day last week: "Oh don't worry about the garden - we're gonna fix it up so that it looks nice." But worry we did. Every day hubby and I would meet at the kitchen window for another episode of "Did They Fix That Bleeping Garden Yet?" It's mind boggling. Our previous neighbors had a lovely lawn. It's was beautifully landscaped and oh if "Abuela" could see her backyard now she'd surely fall out. Why make the vegetable garden that big? Why do it so soon? Don't you want to see how you're gonna use your new yard first? Why would you use ugly bricks? There are just so many questions folks.

So this past weekend they "fixed" it up. They replaced the brickwith plywood. Imagine our confusion. Oh and then they covered the planted earth with black plastic to prevent weeds from growing in. Sound pretty yet? I would take a picture of it for your viewing pleasure, but I don't want to get caught doing it. Just imagine the awkwardness:

Neighbor: Hi there! Um, what are you doing?
Me: Oh hi! I'm, uh, just taking a picture of your ugl-I mean adorable vegetable garden.
Neighbor: Really? Why?
Me: Uh...I think I hear my husband calling me. Love your hair cut by the way. Gotta run!

The real tragedy in all of this is that it makes me apprehensive to look out of my kitchen window. I know that each time I look out and see that thing in their yard, my blood pressure will go up just a little bit more.

I'm not calling them hillbillies or anything. I just wish they had flipped through a few Better Homes & Gardens before embarking on this ambitious endeavor. Hear that neighbors? It's called Better Homes & Gardens.

And while you're at it, put your KAYAK away too.


Anonymous said...

That.Is.Hilarious!!! (Oh, and I am sorry for your loss of tranquility whilst doing the dishes.)

C. H. Green said...

Hoping it will turn out okay for you. I came here from This Aint New York. Nice to read your blog. Your opening paragraph made me smile as I remember my mom, who never had an automatic dishwasher until we were all grown up. She loved washing dishes (or seemed to) while watching us play in the yard or ride our ponies. Thanks for reminding me.

sara said...

That sounds like some of MY neighbors! We have some new ones who just moved in and like to mow and leave their grass clippings all over the sidewalk and street. It drives my husband crazy!

Jodi said...

OMG - that is soooo funny. Our neighbour just parked a car in his back yard. A stupid car. We hate looking at that car and now I want to put up a fence.

Beth said...

plywood?? No way.

Take a dang picture. I need to see it.

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