January 29, 2007

*UPDATED* Why There Are No Reality Shows About Regular Families with Kids...

Act I: Scene 1

[Mommy arrives home from work and walks through the door @ 6:35pm]

Children: [calm and happy] "Hi Momeeee!" They run/crawl to Mommy and overwhelm her with bear hugs.

Mommy: Hi girls! How was your day?

Hubby: "Hi Dear [smooch]- how was your day? Let me take your coat for you since you have your hands full [with a purse, lunchbag, housekeys, and the mail]"

Mommy: "Hi there! My day was good. A little bit frustrating towards the end, but good. I'll fill you in later."

Hubby: "Ok. It's a date. Oh, by the way, since I've been home since FOUR-THIRTY P.M., I fed the girls dinner and gave them a bath."

Mommy: "Really? That's great! Thanks."

[Family retires to the family room, plays together, the girls go to sleep and Hubby and Mommy spend some quality time together and get a good night's sleep]

End Scene.

Ok, let me stop playing and tell you how it really went.

Act I: Scene 1

[Mommy arrives home from work and walks through the door @ 6:35pm]

Children: [with the look of wild banshees in their eyes] "Hi Momeeee!" They run/speed crawl to Mommy, jump on her and Oldest screams "MOMMY! I WAN' FWOOT NYACKS! ORANGES?" Youngest wails to be picked up.

Mommy: Hi girls! How was your day? [Juggling purse, lunchbag, housekeys, and the mail and her two offspring while trying to remove her coat]

Hubby: Sitting on the couch, on the phone, tv blaring, sitting in a pool of Wheat Thin cracker and cheddar rice cake crumbs. "Hey!"

Mommy: [Realizes that this means Oldest's dinner appetite is ruined but opts to hold her tongue for the greater good.] "Hey!"

Hubby: Passes the phone to Mommy. "Here, SIL wants to ask you a question."

Mommy: "Ok." Carrying Youngest in one arm and tripping over Oldest who is clinging to her leg screaming "PIE! MOMMY! I WAN' PIE?" catches phone tossed by Hubby and collapses onto couch. Then realizes that sitting down is not an option seeing as how the kids need to eat, bathe and get to sleep in 45mins. , gets up.

Hubby: Mouths incomprehensible sentence to Mommy and retreats to the office and gets on the phone.

Mommy: Throws pot on stove to make quick mashed potatoes while having to put a wailing and exhausted Youngest on the floor, trying to hold the phone to her ear with her shoulder and give legal advice to SIL regarding an acquaintance's landlord/tenant issue, and trying to prevent Oldest from climbing in the [cold] oven to get to Hubby's pie. In the process, Mommy burns her wrist with the hot milk in the potatoes and throws her body in front of the stove to head off Oldest who is now trying to touch the hot eye on the stove. She rattles off what she vaguely remembers from her law school Real Property course and tells SIL she'll call her back. She finally gets Oldest's dinner ready, makes sure she says Grace with her, and rushes to the bathroom to bathe Youngest so that she can get put to bed.

Oldest: "MOMMY! I WAN' BATH!" Runs to the bathroom with dinner plate and cup of water in hand.

Mommy: While undressing Youngest. "Please take your dinner back to the kitchen. You can have a bath once you're done eating."

Oldest: Dumps bucket of bathwater on Mommy. Starts running at top speed to the family room with her food, laughing hysterically. Then slips, falls and strews her dinner all over the hallway.

Hubby: Cracks open office door. "What's going on out here? Can you turn the bathwater off? I'm on a business call. Why are your pants wet?" Closes door.

Oldest: Runs to her room because she senses that peas smashed into ceramic tile grout can't be good.

Youngest: Screaming and trying to climb into the bathtub.

Mommy: At her wit's end. Realizes she has been holding her pee since she left the office two hours ago.

End Scene.

*Wouldn't you know that God sent a little angel (named Shannon) to help through this rough week that I'm having? This was totally what I needed to hear. He's always on time, isn't He?


Tammy L said...

Life is pretty crazy, isn't it? :) I wouldn't trade my kids or busy-ness for anything, though! :)

I'll remind myself of this tomorrow when I'm changing diapers and dealing with clingy teething little ones ;)

Justice Ny said...

I'm killing myself laughing. Tears are rolling down my face messing up my make-up. And this is a typical day....unbelievable but so true!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I am DYING laughing!! Too funny!!! This is my life, with one exception- I have four kids(I've included DH in my count). He is now upset that I am not sympatheic enough regarding his self-diagnosed "sprained knee". My response-"Um I'm sorry--I have two naked children running around and I'm dealing with a "blowout" of another. Your knee is SO not on the list right now!" :) HAHAHAHA
Auntie Fe

Beth said...

TOOOO FUNNY. I thought the first one was real and I was like, "THAT IS SO SWEET!"
and then I read the real deal. Poor thing. You've just proven why Mommies everywhere should wear capes.

Justice Jones said...

Okay, if I didn't have a window in my office door, I would be on the floor laughing so loud. This was too funny!! You should send it to hubby to show him your perspective of the scene. I'd like to see what his was.

Justice Fergie said...

Thanks for all the comments - I must say that it was quite cathartic to write all of that out :-)

Beth - you are SO right! Mommies everywhere should definitely be wearing capes.

And Jones - as for Hubby's perspective of the scene? Puh-leeze! He was annoyed that I didn't "have control over the kids" and that his phone call was disrutpted. Hmph!

Justice Fergie said...

oh and Fe -- I agree that we each have an extra kid!

Lisa said...

*laughing* i knew the first scene was a fake with after the "Hi Dear..."

Vinegar Candy said...

Hi, I stumbled on to your blog and after reading this felt I had to post. I don't have kids and haven't really had a stressful day like that, but I've heard my mom's stories of having two kids with her and Dad working... I appreciate what they did for me and i'm sure yours will to. (although that's probably little consolation for your burned wrist) Anyways, I've heard it gets easy as they get older.

OliviaDiane said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one...this is my life!

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