Stop & Think: Holiday Edition

It's funny; the students in Chatterbox's school are participating in the "Stop and Think Social Skills Program" which teaches kids interpersonal, problem-solving and conflict resolution skills (and I could think of an adult or two who could benefit from this exercise). Anyway, each week they focus on a different topic - from "listening" to "teasing" to "being brave." Stop and Think day is once a week and I dare say that I had mine on Sunday.

I carted the three kids to a children's holiday event for a group that I am a member of. The event started at 9am (on a Sunday). By the time we got to the place and parked, it was already 9:45am. So then we were rushing to make sure that the kids were able to decorate the cupcakes, color the pictures, listen to the performer, and watch the magic show before it all ended. The holiday event was supposed to be even more exciting because there were vendors selling all sorts of fun, luxurious, yummy and stylish items so that folks could do some holiday shopping. I invited my sister along for this very reason. And she did enjoy herself.

It was only by the time we got to Aisle No. 3 of the collection of shops that I realized I needed to Stop and Think. The girls were all sugared up on cupcakes and were running amuck. Touching expensive pearl bracelets on display and stabbing each other (and anyone in striking distance) with their balloon swords. L'il Buddy was not in a good mood. He didn't want to be in the stroller, he didn't want to be picked up, he didn't want to eat a snack, he didn't even want a balloon sword - nothing. The only thing he wanted to do was holler and scream and wriggle and throw. It was then, in Aisle No. 3, that I stopped and thought to myself: "Fergie, this is not keeping the holidays simple."

Why did I subject myself to a 9am event, 40 mins. away from home, without bringing along Hubby? I basically asked for trouble.

And so, I am pleased that it is not too late for me. Thanksgiving is a couple days away and I can still salvage my sanity this holiday season. In fact, I will have no choice but to relax and slow down when Hubby and I leave for our spa vacation on Thursday. Yep, that's right! Grandma is coming to town to take care of the kiddies. And clearly she already had her Stop and Think moment: the first thing she said was: "Turkey? Who wants to cook a turkey? Let's order one!"

Mama does know best.

And you know who also has her mind right? Simple Mom. She has a checklist for 12 Weeks to a Peaceful Christmas. Don't worry that Christmas is less than 12 weeks away - you can still jump in now at Week 5 and save yourself loads of drama and stress.

Stop. Think. Don't feel the need to trek the kids all over town for various holiday events. Order the turkey. Heck, order the pies too. It's all good.

Respecting the Nap

Remember Mamalaw # 7 - Respect the Nap. Well, this is exactly what I did yesterday: Respected the Nap. For about one hour I sat in the car in the parking lot at an outlet mall waiting for princess to wake up. Oh....the importance of that nap! I will admit though that the time I spent waiting does not compare to the value of a well rested and happy toddler. I was actually able to spend a couple hours shopping. Happy Memorial Day!

MamaLaw #13 - I'm every Woman

"I'm Every Woman"

You know how they say (and we know) that being a mom means taking on a bunch of different roles? I.e. a teacher, chef, laundress, nurse, chauffeur, personal assistant, mediator, groomer, psychologist, personal shopper, maid, etc.? Well lately I have totally been playing the nurse/psychologist role with my two little gals. Let's meet the patients, shall we?

Patient No. 1: Youngest has been allergic to dairy since birth and has been on a dairy-free, egg-free diet ever since. In fact she couldn't even digest the proteins in soy formula, so after I stopped nursing she started drinking a special hydrolyzed formula that is easy on her tummy.

Now in case that doesn't sound expensive, let me assure you that it is. Now I have to say that she has been doing great on this formula, but now that she has turned 12 months old, it's time to make that switcheroo to cheaperregular milk. [In fact, I just found this handy dandy chart online, "The Cost of Feeding Your Baby," and if it's accurate, parents who feed their baby the "special" formula end up spending over $1,000 more per year than parents whose kids drink the regular formula. And I know some of you are thinking that breastfeeding is the cheapest and why didn't she just do that? And let me assure you that I tried my very best and it just wasn't in the cards for us to go past 6 months.] Anway, the cost of the formula aside, it's just time for her to start on regular milk. And much to my dismay, there is no foolproof test for baby allergies. According to our pediatrician, the blood tests for kids' allergies are not really all that accurate. And so...the big, important, thirty-minutes-in-the-waiting-room-with-snotty-feverish-kids, fancy-medical-degree advice she gave us was to give Youngest a spoonful of yogurt each day for 3 weeks and see how she reacts. I am sure there is a better way. After all, mankind has FLOWN to the moon and all. But alas here I am, in Week 2 of the Yo-Baby Bonanza, carefully watching my babe to see if she suddenly breaks out into hives or takes a pistachio-green poop or something equally as delightful. Oh, and let me just mention the side battles that I have to fight to make this happen. First, you just try to feed a baby who loves to eat only one spoonful of sweet and creamy yogurt. It ain't easy. She screams at me for more, so I have to have another snack on standby to quickly shove put in her mouth before she explodes into a yogurt-driven rage. Second, hubby -- in true manly form -- doesn't see the need for the whole 3-week trial thing and thinks we should just give Youngest a FULL CUP OF WHOLE MILK NOW. And told the babysitter as much yesterday without my knowledge. Give me strength.

Onto Patient No. 2: For the past 3 or 4 weeks, Oldest has suddenly developed an intense fear of everything animal. I have no idea what triggered it. She used to love going to the zoo and seeing dogs around the neighborhood and stuff. But, now, let her come within 100 yards of a cat, dog, bird, squirrel or hamster and it's all over. Shrill screams, instant tears, heart-wrenching wails and Mary Lou Retton-esq moves to escape the MEAN!UGLY!RABID! bunny rabbit. And it wouldn't be so bad were it not for the beginning of SPRING and the likelihood of us LEAVING THE HOUSE and all. Last week, when we were in Miami we thought it would be lovely to eat outside along the docks and enjoy the weather. Negative. There were birds everywhere and the only way to get Oldest to calm down was to have Grandma restrain hold her in her lap for the entire meal while trying to distract her from french-fry-hungry birds. It was a nightmare. Poor thing. Yesterday we went by a friend's house and I forgot my cell phone at home so I couldn't call ahead to ask that she hide her dog. Well, let me just say that it wasn't pretty. Once she laid eyes on that TERRORIZING!GROWLING!CANNIBAL! fifteen-year-old family dog, she freaked out and even ripped the pocket on my jacket trying to climb up my body. Hubby and I have been trying to talk to her about how animals are our friends and that they won't hurt her and she can just say "Go away birdie!" and such but nothing seems to be working just yet. Anyhoo, I am sure that this too shall pass.

But for now, just call me Fergie, M.D.

'Cause it's all in me.

MamaLaws#12 - It's not that serious

First things first...

A Top Chef update: The judges sent Sam home!? Were they on crack? A crime against cuisine everywhere if you ask me. Not only was he a great chef but he was easy on the eyes too. He could have cooked the pants off of me Marcel anyday.

Now, onto business.

MamaLaw #12: "Lighten Up!"

On the Today Show this morning there was a piece on "Tots and Tonic" -- a story about moms who drink wine or "mom-tinis" while their kids enjoy a playdate. They profiled a group of 3 stay-at-home moms who get their kids together and they moms socialize over a couple of glasses of wine. So of course the show had an expert discussing how this was dangerous for safety reasons and problematic because moms might be drinking as a coping mechanism - duh (just kidding!). But really, I don't see the big deal. Maybe I'm just too laid-back but I don't think a little wine ever hurt anyone. And of course it's not like these moms are getting sloshed at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. No mom in her right mind would knowingly jeopardize her child's safety and as long as it's done responsibly and in moderation then it's all good. As we were discussing earlier this week, finding time to spend with your girlfriends is rare and so if some moms are taking advatage of the opportunity to have girltime while allowing their little ones to have kidtime, then more power to 'em!

Moms can be so hard on other moms. We might criticize their parenting styles or judge their children who reach milestones later than than our own. We try to impose our opinions on them and think that it's "our way or no way" and talk behind their backs. Some moms condone spanking. Others are adamantly against it. Some moms only feed their infants baby food made from scratch (God bless 'em!). Others are happy feeding their kids food off of the grocery store shelves. And then there are the so-called "Mommy Wars." Some SAHMs look down on moms who work outside of the home. And some working moms look down on moms who choose to stay at home. Then there are moms who turn their noses up at moms who put their kids in *gasp!* public school. And public shcool moms think private school moms are stuck-up. The list goes on and on. Let's calm down people! We're all mommies with a passion for parenting and doing what's best for our children. Parenting is a very personal thing and we need to respect each other's choices whether we agree with them or not. It would do us all some good to have a mom-tini Lighten Up!

[Can you tell I just learned how to write the html tags for a strikethrough today?]

** Incidentally, the "Lighten Up" concept applies very well to all aspects of mommying. For example, last night Oldest decided, naturally, that Crayola Marker in Magenta would look much better on her lips than on the huge pad of coloring paper that I gave her. While hubby freaked out at her amatuer makeup job, I wasn't fazed in the least. "Don't worry, it's non-toxic" I told him. "It'll come right off in the bath." He was running around getting washcloths and trying to furiously scrub her mouth while she laughed uncontrollably. I would have laughed too if they hadn't been disturbing Sam's description of his Mascarpone Mousse with Hawaiian Salted Coconut Milk & Citrus Tuile. Oh Sam.

Mamalaw # 11 - It takes a village

Yesterday DD had a case of diaper rash again (I think she's teething and everything's going crazy) and as I stood in line at CVS, I thought about my mama friends and how much I appreciate their suggestions on motherhood.

I'm learning that we should always lean on other mamas for help - even with the smallest things. Talking to other young mothers provides not only an outlet for those crazy stressful days, but an invaluable resource for those times that you just don't know what to do and your own mother has no suggestions.

Case in point, this photo is sort of an ad for "Triple Paste Ointment" but I'm using this image because there is NO way I would have ever known about this miracle product had I not relied on my other mama friends for insight on the most minute matters (e.g. diaper rash). I threw the question out to my friends (J. Fergie & J. Jones) and wisdom was revealed with regard to practices and procedures and even better...suggestions.

So, no question about motherhood/parenthood is too small to ask your mama friends, because there is NO way you could do it all by yourself and that's why we should always ask for help!

MamaLaw #10 - Pay it Forward...Help another mama

Please don't take this post as a cop-out, I'm merely linking to Shannon's blog post because I really couldn't have said it any better than she did. Take a moment to read "The Momma Code" and you'll see what I mean!

Have you been the recipient or donor of a Momma favor? Do share!

*UPDATED* MamaLaw #9 - Give Back

Now of course the golden rule is one of the fundamental principles that we all should be following, regardless of whether we are mothers or not and in every context of our lives, not just parenting. But I thought it would make a good MamaLaw because of our responsibility to teach our children to be nice people [I hear some do still exist!] and as part of that, to be active social citizens. As I get older, I am realizing how important personal relationships, moral character and community involvement are to my life, my children's futures and our society as a whole. 2007 is just beginning and we should all take the time to think about how we are going to incorporate this principle into our resolutions for the year. Lest my post become too heavy [perish the thought!], I will wrap up by telling you about the MLK Day Initiative. It's an inititative by the federal government to make MLK Day a day of service, and the website allows you to search for a community service project by state. They even have several family-friendly service projects that you and your kids can take part in. This sounds like a fun and easy way to give back to the community and a great opportunity to teach your own children the importance of community service. I've already signed us up!

Toodles!

So Nat and I went to volunteer at the Community for Creative Non-Violence yesterday. It was a great experience, not only to participate in the MLK Day Initiative, but to learn about the important history of the center which houses over 1,300 homeless men and women in DC. The center also has a domestic violence shelter, a drug and alcohol rehab program, a food program, a clothing program and a job program. You know what's funny? All we were asked to do was to chat with some of the men recovering in the infirmary. Most, if not all, don't have family and were very happy to have a visitor to talk to. And so, a simple conversation brightened someone's day. How easy was that? Makes you think...Hope you had a good King Day.

MamaLaw#8 - Don't worry, You'll figure it out

Now those that actually know me might think that it's funny for me to be saying this since before I was a mommy, I was a Type A personality...But I've learned quick and in a hurry that life with kids is unpredictable and the only way to stay sane is to adapt and roll with the punches. [This MamaLaw works in an array of other areas besides children by the way: think marriage!] No matter how much you'd like them to be, the little ones are not concerned about your airtight plans for a day of important errands or what outfit you had planned for them to wear to church. Illness, naptime, potty-ing, a rogue marker, hunger, hyperactivity or general crankiness will inevitably get in the way. As long as you take a deep breath, smile and keep the big picture in mind, everything will work out just fine. And what is the big picture? Raising a healthy, happy and well-adjusted kid and sharing special moments with them. All of the small details really don't matter in the end.

[And I promise I'm not just saying this because Oldest decided on Tuesday that the only things that she would like to eat for dinner every night are "oranges" (aka clementines)]

Have a flexible weekend! I know I will :)

MamaLaw #7 - Respect the Nap

"Respect the Nap"

And bedtime too for that matter.

Am I right? This really doesn't need to be a long and detailed post because all of you moms out there know exactly what I'm talking about. Naptime is sacred in my household. Unless there is a really extraordinary reason, neither of my girls are missing their naps or thier bedtimes. On the rare occasion when this does occur, bedlam ensues. So...imagine my dismay when the reality of a holiday vacation in another city, at a new house, with a new schedule sets in. First bedtime is all kinds of disrupted when we had to catch our 9:00pm flight last night. Then today, with all the excitement of playing with rarely-seen cousins, naptime was carelessly thrown by the wayside. Tonight, with dinner plans for a special family dinner (reservation time: 7:45pm) bedtime was again disrespected. In sum, after a day full of crankiness, whining, uncontrollable sobbing and Oscar-worthy dramatics, everyone (including DH) is finally asleep. Here's to sleeping in tomorrow morning. [A gal can dream, can't she??]

Nighty night.

PS
How cute is this bedtime chart?

MamaLaw #6 - Stop and Smell the dirty diapers

Well, you know what I mean. These precious moments of our kids' childhoods will be gone all too soon. My Youngest is already 9 months old and crawling. It feels like just yesterday when she and I were sitting in the hospital room together hours after she arrived. For me, the pang of sadness hits once they become too big for you to cradle them in your arms - that's when I realize that they are no longer a teeny tiny baby! Last night I fought traffic after work as usual, hoping to make it home before Youngest went to sleep (since she's usually out by 6:45pm). I ran in the door at 6:20pm, only to find out that was already sleeping! I kid you not, I immediately was overcome with sadness - tears started to well up in my eyes and everything. This was the second night in a row that I missed her. Then the guilt set in. Was I a terrible mom for working full-time during these first years of my kids' lives? What kind of mom only sees her baby for 1 hour in the morning every day during the week?? All I wanted to do was see one of her huge gummy smiles and smell her sweet scent. I suppose I could have woken her up, but how selfish would that have been of me to interrupt her slumber...Then I felt even worse for being visibly upset for missing Youngest while Oldest was still awake! So, I got myself together and spent the next couple of hours enjoying QT with Oldest. It was great. But I still hate the fact that Youngest has only been here for 9 months and I've spent 5 of those months working. But, I guess I have to do what I have to do. So, in looking for the positive in this situation, I decided to make the most of the time that I do have with both of my girls, whether it be an hour or a weekend. Remember: in the midst of the hustle and bustle of each day, make a special effort to stop and smell the dirty diapers. Because before you know it, they'll be asking to use the potty.

MamaLaw #5 - The grace Period to lose the baby weight should be at least 1 year post-partum

Am I right? Perhaps this is an important law to me because GummiBear is already 9 months old and I am nowhere close to my pre-baby(#2) weight. Whatever the case, how is a new mom (and YES, I still consider myself a new mom) supposed to get her figure back any sooner? Let us review the impeding factors, shall we:

1) NO SLEEP
Really, do you need to see any more factors? I shouldn't think so, but if you are from the School of Hard Knocks and believe that moms should have the endurance of a US Special Forces Soldier, then here are some more...

2) Breastfeeding
Time consuming, exhausting, difficult, and makes you hungry. Granted, not all moms breastfeed, but even if they don't, the child still needs to be fed. All day. All night. Which takes us back to point #1.

3) NO SLEEP
See point #1.

4) No time/energy to cook
See above for reasons why. This means you are eating whatever you can get your hands on, no matter what time of day. If you are in the slim minority of women whose husbands cook the meals (first - keep it to yourself, you wretch) consider yourself fortunate. Otherwise, if you are like the rest of us and make the meals, then a new baby means no healthful meal planning or preparation and therefore, for the most part, unhealthy food choices.

5) NO SLEEP
Are we seeing a pattern?

6) No time/energy to exercise
Not to mention, if you were like me and your pelvis didn't fall back into place until at least month-4-post-partum, the mere thought of getting on an elliptical machine caused you emotional trauma. You ever hear the medical advice that a woman should wait at least 9 months after giving birth before trying to conceive again because her body needs to recover? Well, hello! Your body is still recovering! I joined a lunchtime toning class at work and, the following happened:

instructor: "lie in your backs"

me (to myself): ok, no prob

instructor: "now lift both legs off of the ground until they are at a 90 degree angle with your torso"

me (to myself): ok, no prob

me (to myself): wait a minute, I could have sworn that I told my brain to lift my legs. why isn't it working? Oh my god, I'm paralyzed! HELP. Oh wait, it's just because I have NO ABDOMINAL MUSCLES.

True story.

7) NO SLEEP
It's really annoying.

8) Priorities
So let's say by some miracle you do get a free minute from your mommy-duties. Do you really want to spend it doing lunges? Or do you want to: call your bestfriend-watch your baby sleep-check your email-eat something-open the mail-watch Grey's Anatomy-throw in a load of laundry-sleep-take a bubble bath-mop the floor or make love to your husband? [in that order, lol] That's what I thought.

9) NO SLEEP
What day is it?

10) You don't want to wake the baby.
Laugh if you want to, but this was/is a real concern for me. The elliptical squeaks extremely loudly and would most certainly wake a sleeping baby (for real!) Running up and down the hardwood stairs would make noise. As would jumping around to an aerobics tape. What am I supposed to do?? Sit-ups? Yoga? Stroller Strides? Who asked you anyway.

11) NO SLEEP
You try staying awake for 90 consecutive days. I dare you.

12) You just don't feel like it.
Be real. Unless you were into fitness before, chances are you just don't have the motivation to get out in the December weather to run 1.5 miles. Despite the fact that you have the "support" of your husband to "motivate" you by saying things like: "I think those pants are too tight".

To which I would refer you to MamaLaw#1.

P.S.
Make sure to check out the Mama Blog Spotlights of the Day! I try to scope out the good ones.

MamaLaw #4 - Celebrate your girlfriends

Here I was all set to issue a proclamation creating a "Girlfriends' Day" when, lo and behold, I discovered that there already is one! Apparently the 3rd Sunday in September has been celebrated as National Women's Friendship Day since 1999. Who knew??

This was a particularly tough weekend on the marriage front and I would not have made it through as well as I did had it not been for close friends. Mind you, J. Jones and J. Ny both decided not to answer their phones when I called amidst my crisis, but I must say that there have been many times when they have answered and lent me their shoulders to lean on. Anyway, without getting into the nitty gritty details, I just wanted to let the world know that I am thankful for the blessing of caring and supportive girlfriends. Since I missed National Women's Day this year, I am taking today to say thanks!!

So remember to take time to celebrate the important women in your life -- it's important to let them know that they are appreciated. Now, I am starving for some "girltime," so I am tempted to say "let's start planning our next GirlTrip!" but (pfft!) we all know how that story goes... Just in case you forgot, let me recap:

GirlTrip 2003 (Martha's Vineyard) - Decent Turnout
GirlTrip 2004 (Bahamas) - Sad Turnout
GirlTrip 2005 (Chicago) - Sorry (Diva) Turnout
Girltrip 2006 (Houston) - No Turnout!

I have hopes that we'll get it together one day. In light of the pathetic success rate of our yearly GirlTrips, maybe I should have been focusing on a 5-year reunion instead. Can you believe 2007 is pratically here?

Love ya'll!

MamaLaw #3 - Every mom deserves a mental health day

You know what we're talking about... Sometimes, you just need some time for you. Being a mom is a full-time, 24-hour, 7-days a week job, and sometimes we need and deserve a little break. Because we are so busy doing for others, we often forget that we need attention too! Whether it be going to get your nails done (ha!), reading a favorite book or magazine (ha! ha!), or ordering a Venti-Skim-White-Chocolate-Mocha with Whip (you get the skim so you can get the whip!), taking the time to regroup and renergize will not only benefit you, but it will benefit those around you to be a happy and grounded mom. So, drop the kids off with a friend. Take the day off of work. Or take a trip to Borders after the little ones are asleep. But remember that there's only one YOU and that you need to treat her special :-)

Ready to plan your mental health day? Check out this mama blogger for ideas.

Found this one too - clearly, she's talking to US!

P.S.
We'd love to hear how your mental health day went...

MamaLaw #2 - The Holidays should be simple

Isn't the holiday season supposed to be about Joy, Peace and Happiness? How come as soon as Halloween is over the country loses its mind? Decorations go up, "seasonal items" aisles appear in the grocery, and don't get me started on the doggone Red Envelope catalogues I receive everyday. Then you start thinking about your holiday plans. Should I invite people over? Should we go to (fill in the blank)'s house? If we go there, will (fill in the blank) be offended? How much is airfare? Do I have to cook? Do we have room for all those people? And the gift thing just puts me over the top. Quick! Make my holiday gift list. Gotta start early this year. Dang! I'm already late. Maybe I'll shop online. Nope, can't - the item is on backorder/shipping is a rip-off/the item can't be delivered until January 17th. Dare I venture into a brick and mortar store??


I was just telling my friend this morning that last year's Christmas shopping was a nightmare. I got started late and I was 6 months pregnant and determined to purchase the best educational, fun and exciting toys for my then-1-year old. I carefully compiled a list of everything I wanted to get for her and went to......Toys R Us. [I know, all you veteran moms go ahead and laugh - but I didn't know any better!] But alas, here I was, in the middle of, well, BEDLAM. I kid you not. Nothing was on the shelves. They were really and truly bare. Why? Every single item was on the floor. People were wading through toys and screaming at each other, and you could forget about asking a salesperson for help. I heard one salesgirl tell a woman: "Ma'am, you'd better just grab something, buy and wrap it up, 'cuz ain't nothin' left." I was like, this can't be for real. So I went to register, begged to skip the line, bought a Kit-Kat and went outside for a mental-health break (I take those fairly often by the way). Once I re-grouped, I went back inside, managed to find a few decent toys (absolutely nothing from my list, mind you) and waited in the mile-long lines to checkout. Oh, did I not mention the mile-long lines? For the life of me, I cannot understand why a store has 10 checkout lanes if they only ever open 3?? I mean, if you're not going to open all 10 lanes on December 23rd, then WHEN ARE you going to open them?


But this year will be different. For Thanksgiving, I am ordering the meal from La Madeleine. I am looking forward to it. As for Christmas, we have officially decided that we are going to Atlanta to my sister-in-law's house. That means my first Christmas EVER without my Mommy and my sister (they're gonna rent a vacation house in Sanibel with some of my other family members so they won't even miss me) BUT it also means a couple of other things: (1) No tree! I mean, I'll put up my other decorations for the heck of it, but finding, putting up/taking down, and decorating the tree always takes the most time; (2) Nobody tearing up my house! I love my family. I really do. But having guests means cleaning up your house perpetually, making sure that everyone has what they want to eat and drink; showing people how to work the cable remote; reminding people not to turn on the microwave while the diswasher is running (it'll trip the circuit); turning off extra lights so that my DH doesn't have a fit and on and on; (3) No cooking! Sure, I'll make a dish. Heck, I might even make 2. But I don't have to worry about the entire meal, grocery shopping, table settings and whatnot; and finally (4) Only a few gifts! We're doing a family gift exchange so we each picked numbers and are buying gifts for one family instead of 5. And of course I'll end up getting 3 or 4 gifts for K-dizzle and the same for L-Boogie. Now, I promise, I'm not a Grinch. I LOVE the holidays but lately they have become more stressful than joyful. So, I'm making a change.

This year, my holidays are going to be SIMPLE. Holla if you hear me.

MamaLaw #1 - Men should know better

When do we make men accountable for their inadequacies as opposed to just discounting them because they are "just men" and don't know any better?

Ok, I really can't take credit for this timeless question - Justice PJ came up with it. The problem is that she says she "doesn't have the time to blog." But let me tell you..if she can manage taking care of 3 children (all under 5), being a great wife, looking fly, AND teaching a law course, all while nursing...then she can definitely handle (and use) a l'il ol' mommy blogging. Yes, that is a dare chica :)