LMAO

So we're headed to Florida tomorrow night (yes, again), for a wedding. Given that we got back from Florida on Saturday, Easter was Sunday and Hubby and I have been to work Monday through today, we are in no position to go anywhere at all! Our house is in disarray. Nothing is even unpacked from last week (other than most of the kids' stuff - thank you wonderful nanny). I just got back from getting my hair done, after taking the girls to get theirs done last night - but forgot to get my eyebrows done, and forget about my nails. Oh and L'il Buddy has nothing to wear yet. I don't have much time in Florida before the wedding because I am a bridesmaid and so I have to attend the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and the other festivities the day before. I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow, attend a morning meeting and participate in an afternoon conference call, get home on the metro, and get everyone into the car and to the airport for an 8:30pm flight. It's making me laugh just typing it. There's no way!

Firing up my laptop while watching Law and Order: SVU and munching on the last of the Disney cotton candy seemed like the best thing to do at the moment.

Overwhelmed

I am feeling very overwhelmed right about now. It seems like things are in overdrive in all aspects of my life. At work I am bogged down with 2 cases for which I am the lead. In addition, I am on a major taskforce and council that are both in overdrive at the moment. I'm so backed up that I just end up floundering around uselessly from conference call to meeting hoping to make it through the day. At home I am trying to keep my family running semi-smoothly, which is hard when I only have about 2 hours per day, along with weekends, to do it. Homework needs to be done daily, groceries need to be purchased, meals need to be made. Hair needs to be braided, doctor's appointments attended, school reading logs need to be completed, recital lines need to be rehearsed, and box tops need to be collected. Dance classes need to be attended, summer camps scheduled, wedding gifts purchased and quality time spent. Volunteer committments need to be met, fitness routines done, personal invitations honored and phone/email messages returned. With our company, there are conference calls to be had, agreements to draft, events to coordinate, a site to launch, and oh yeah, a conference to plan.

I definitely need a break. Spring break is coming up soon and for that, I am grateful. However, that trip requires lots of planning too! We are headed to Disney World and, while I know we're going to have a great time, just getting there - with the right tickets booked, the right size strollers packed, the right size car rented, and a manageable itinerary planned (complete with the right Disney character breakfasts reserved) - adds another host of things to my already overburdened To Do list.

Breathe, Fergie. Breathe.

Work, Life and You!

On Thursday, February 4, at 1:00 PM EST, your truly will be participating in the Fem 2.0 Work/Life in Our Communities Blog Radio Series: Wake Up, This Is the Reality! The topic of Thursday's show is "Work/Life and African-American Families." A perfect fit, don't ya think? Seeing as how I spend all of my days blogging about my work/life juggling act! Shireen Mitchell (aka DigitalSista) of My Tech Swirl will be the host, and I will be sharing the microphone with Avis Jones-DeWeever, Director of Research & Policy, Center for African-American Women, National Council of Negro Women.

Yes, I am a little bit nervous.

I'm hoping to bring the perspective of an African-American woman who is waist-deep in the trenches of motherhood and in the daily struggle of balancing career, family and home.

"Fem2.0’s campaign, Wake Up, This Is the Reality!, aims to change the way our society talks about work, to shift the story away from privileged "balance" and corporate perspectives to one that reflects the reality on the ground for millions of Americans and American families. We need this shift if we want policy makers to know how tough it is out here and move them to act on legislation around such issues as paid sick days, healthcare, child and elder care, equal pay, etc.

To achieve this shift, we must be many and we must be LOUD."

I would love to use this opportunity to discuss some of the concerns, challenges, ideas and solutions that real women have. Please leave me a comment or send me an email if you want to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

In the meantime, be sure to tune in each day this week as Fem 2.0 spotlights the work/life experiences of Latinos, Seniors and Military. They are also hosting a blog carnival that you can participate in.

We need your voice!

Because Daddy Says I Can

I'm sure you've seen these JuiceBoxJungle ads in your internet travel - they're everywhere! Well, one reason we signed on to host these ads is because their episodes are really thought-provoking and touch on some of the real issues facing parents out here.

I meant to post about episode "Grandma Says I Can" for a while now, but I just couldn't find the time. There is a new episode online now (see sidebar) about another very interesting issue - pacifiers or not.

But, back to the point at hand...my issue isn't grandma it's hubby. Watch the episode below and replace "grandma" with "hubby" and tell me what you think.

I am the iron fist in our house while daddy is fun daddy. That's great for princess because fun is always around, but it vilifies me because I come in like clouds on a sunny day. It is getting better, I must admit, as hubby tries to stand behind my decisions more, but it's still an issue.

Have you faced a similar issue? How did you handle it? Let a mama know because I'm lost with this one...

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

Books on tape - I guess that should be cd!

Hubby and I had a little spat this morning - well, no one would really know that it was a spat because it wasn't the usual screaming, slamming doors and stomping out of the room. I guess I was calm today! But he ticked me off so bad this morning that it was all I could think of all the way to work.

I'm not going to get into the substance of the disagreement because it was so illogical that it's not worth mentioning. All I could say is that men are really very different. You would think that this should not come as a revelation at this point in my life - I mean c'mon, I'm a grown 35-years of age and I've been at this dating/relationship/even marriage thing for a long time now. But, yes ... they are really from mars!

Despite the anger that I felt at that moment, I managed to keep it all under control. I said nothing and I went about my business. Of course, in my slightly passive aggressive way I didn't really say anything to him at all after this ridiculous discussion. But - I did not explode and I forgot about it as I got to work. This evening when I got home I was fine and that's very abnormal for me as I tend to hold on to things and stay mad for a while.

I attribute this strange (but welcome) behavior to the fact that I've been listening in the car to Pastor Joel Osteen's book "Become a Better You". I love Pastor Joel! I actually wish that I lived in Houston to attend his church. There is just something about him that reaches your soul - you know what I'm talking about? Don't worry, I'm not trying to recruit you into some strange internet cult!

Anyway, I've been listening to him during my extremely short commutes and this morning was a testament to how your mind sucks up information without much effort. Unlike the attention needed to actually read a book, listening to a book on tape requires far less concentration. Of course, what quite often happens is you have to listen to it a few times to really digest the information. So, I've probably listened to the entire book about 5 or 6 times since I bought it, and I think the message is embedded in my brain now.

I can't recite passages from the book for you (i.e. not a cult), but this morning's episode surely proves that the messages are impressed on my psyche and are changing my behavior.

I'm really happy about the way I handled the situation and I give part the credit to listening to Pastor Joel on a daily basis (mostly I credit a higher god).

Give books on tape/cd a try especially if it's a book that you've really wanted to read and just never had or will have a chance - it's a great way to multi-task. This proved to be a good thing for me and my marriage as well.

Crazy, not sexy, not cool!

A funny/crazy conversation on Saturday night:

Hubby: So are you ready?

Me: Ready for what?

Hubby: Another one?

Me: Another what? (quite confused)

Hubby: Another baby?

Me: Are you crazy? (In retrospect, not how I should have answered) No...I thought we decided (together) that we were just fine with one.

Hubby: Well yes, but she's getting so big. She's not a baby any more.

Me: I know. And another one will also grow up really fast and not be a baby any more. So, let's just forge ahead with this one. She's got enough personality for us to handle!

Is he nuts? He must be joking - right? First of all, springing this on me in such a nonchalant manner. And secondly, we've already decided...we've talked about this and decided that one was just right.

I really don't think I can have another baby. It sounds really selfish of me (I know) but I honestly cannot handle another one. I'm having such a hard time balancing this act and there's only hubby and baby, I can't imagine adding another baby to the mix.

He must have been joking - or has he lost it?

Treasure time

You may remember that I was laid off in February and then about 1 month ago I accepted a position at my old, old job and I've just been waiting on a start date. Well, I will be starting on Monday. I'm excited to start and I know hubby is excited too although he won't actually say it.

So....why do I feel like this? I feel sooooo blue. I am excited to get back out there and make some money, but I am so afraid that I will just get right back into the flow of things and I'm even more afraid that I'm going to lose what I just found.

You see, for various reasons I don't think I've ever really been a good wife nor a good mother (see this post). I don't think I ever really embraced either role very well and I know for sure that I've never quite been able to balance them simultaneously. When hubby and I first got married, I had about a month's gap in between jobs and I was adjusting to being married. You know...that transitional period where you're not quite sure what you're doing and you're moving from that me stage to the we stage. Then, three years later I spent a year at home when daughter was born and I loved it - being able to be here to nurture and love her and have the comfort of knowing that she was safe and well cared for. However, during that entire year, I wasn't really much of a wife.

For some reason when I got laid off a couple months things were just different with me. I think I've matured as a person and wanted to try to do better for my daughter and my husband and ultimately for myself. I actually felt a sense of accomplishment taking care of them - cooking, cleaning, laundry, school related activities, involvement with hubby's job etc. I have NEVER felt that way before. I also de-stressed and did a lot of reflection and dreaming during this time as well. Another first for me. I believe I can say that I've been happy - truly happy during this time.

I sit here on Thursday almost in tears because I am honestly afraid of what's going to unfold come Monday morning. I am fearful that I'm going to fall back in line and back into the rat race. I'm afraid that I'm going to be stressed out and not take care of us anymore. I'm afraid that I'm going to get wrapped up in my job and bring all that stuff home. I'm sad that I probably will not be able to provide hot meals when they come home in the afternoon, not be able to play pretend with daughter, not have a clean house everyday, not spend time at the playground on the weekend, not run all household errands during the week so that we can spend time together on the weekend.

I am sad that I'm not going to have time any more. Maybe that was the treasure that I discovered during this period - I discovered the beauty and endless possibilities that come with time. I hope that my fears are just fears and that I don't become overwhelmed by this feeling.

8:23am

Every morning it's a race to get out of the house and on our way to work on time. Since hubby and I carpool, things are that much more complicated because both of us need to ready at the same time. Throw in 2 girls who need to be readied to go to school, and a baby who could care less about our "morning schedule" (i.e. I'm hungry. NOW.) and each morning is the definition of chaos. One morning, as hubby and I were bickering about who-was-ready-before-who the day before, I said "I was on time. We always leave at 8:23am." Which he, of course, disagreed with. Anyway, since then I have been silently (ok, not so silently) keeping track of the time of when we walk out the door and sure enough, it's been 8:23am pretty consistently. Random, no? Fast forward to today at work when a co-worker of mine arrived into the office later than usual and with that flustered "I still have my parent hat on, don't ask me any work-related questions" look (you know the one). I instinctively said to him "One of those mornings, huh?" And he said "Yeah. If we are not on the highway by 8:35am, our morning is shot." And so I giggled to myself knowing that there was another family that had their "do-or-die" time for the morning rush.

And since I am writing this post about 1 hour and 45 minutes past my bedtime (Hello? Real Housewives was on tonight) it's a safe bet that tomorrow morning I will be dying.

Day1: Single Mommy Boot Camp

To borrow the phrase from JJ at Mischief Makers, I am in Single Mommy Boot Camp this week as hubby is at a week-long conference in a LUXURY HOTEL in SAN FRANSCISCO. Poor soul. The week got off to a promising start. Yesterday hubby left in the morning and the girls got their hair braided. In the afternoon, my good friend came over to provide me with "backup" at the grocery store. I had planned to do my grocery shopping for the week on Saturday while Hubby was still home, but the day escaped me. The shopping trip went well thanks, in large part, to my friend who pushed Chatterbox and Giggles' around in their own shopping cart, took them to the inevitable trips to the potty, and fed them yummy store samples much to their delight. Couple that with the fact that L'il Buddy slept the entire time, and I was able to get everything on my least without breaking a sweat, raising my voice, or cursing under my breath. Hooray! My friend even came home, helped me unload and put away the groceries and set up the kids' dinner. Thank God for girlfriends!

Last night was a bit rough since L'il Buddy woke up his usual 4 times and I had no one to split the night shift with. And Giggles woke up around 5am wanting to sleep in my bed. The silver lining of my sleepless night is that I was able to wake up early (since I was technically already awake) and get the day started. By the time the nanny came, we were all ready to walk out the door and she dropped me to the metro before taking the girls to school. I even made it to work at a decent hour - woot! Now, let's see how the evening commute and dinner/nighttime routine goes.

I can say this: I only have to swing it by myself until Friday and I have the help of a nanny --single moms everywhere get mad props from me.

Musical Cars

Our vehicle situation is pretty crazy right now. When we were looking for a nanny, we made sure to ask that any interested candidates have a car since we knew we would need them to pick up Chatterbox from school. Luckily our fabulous nanny had her own car and lived very close to us, which made for a lot less stress in the mornings. Fast forward 1 year and add Giggles starting school and a new baby to the mix. Pile on top of that the fact that our nanny's car is in need of major repairs and that she has been sharing her car with her sister and that she moved to another county. Sound complicated? But wait! There's more...the nanny's car, an older model Ford Explorer, doesn't have a center seat belt in the back seat which means that she can't have 3 car seats installed. This is a problem since she now needs to pick up both Chatterbox and Giggles from school with the baby in tow.

We toyed with the idea of buying her a car for use with the afterschool pickup, but of course we were trying to avoid the added expense. Not to mention it just seems so excessive to me (and we already know that I am fighting a daily battle with the mommy guilt that we are paying someone else to do the things I should be doing). So we had the bright idea of having a center seat belt installed in her car so that she could accommodate all 3 kiddies. Well, it sounded like a brilliant fix until we got to the dealership and discovered that her back seat is not a bench, but 2 individual seats that are connected, so a center seat belt can't properly be installed. You still with me?

So. Things were fine over the summer because I was home on maternity leave and took my car to drop off and pick up the girls from school, but...last week was my grand return to work. What to do? What to do? We decided to try out me catching a ride with hubby in the mornings and him dropping me to the Metro which I could take to work. That way the nanny could use my car to do the drop off and pick up. Aside from the fact that I feel even worse because I don't even get to drop off the girls to school and interact with their teachers, etc. , the other problem is that hubby has a shorter work schedule than I do and so it ends up with me bolting out of the office about 15 minutes earlier than I'm supposed to, running to the Metro, him picking me up, and us speeding home to relieve the nanny before her set 10-hour shift is over. Whew.

Not complicated enough? You're right. There's even more. This week hubby found out that the brakes on his truck are shot and that until he gets everything repaired (for the low, low price of $1,000) he absolutely cannot drive it. Luckily, today the nanny was able to borrow a car from a friend that can take 3 car seats, and so hubby drove my car today.

Sheesh. Talk about trying to make it work.