Bumper Stickers That Annoy Me

The bumper sticker below is officially annoying. Someone at my son's school has this on the back of his Toyota Rav 4 and without fail, I always end up behind him in car line. I mean seriously, do you think this man put this on his car or is it safe to say his wife bought it and "surprised" him with it and one day he walks to his car and it's there?

"Surprise, honey!"

Even if he was out somewhere and found this bumper sticker and just had to have it, I always end up wondering about this man and the wife that he loves so much.

Now, I'm not hating on this man, or his wife. In fact, last year Mr. Jonesie ordered a personalized license plate with my name and the year we met on the front of his car. Needless to say, the plate is now in the garage.

This bumper sticker is officially annoying though. It's the gag me with a spoon type of annoying. Kind of like when people feel the need to engage in P.D.A. in front of others.

One word-- annoying!

Raise Your Hand If...

(Excuse me for just one second while I rant and rave and try to get some comic relief out of it.)

Raise your hand if:

1) You wake up almost every morning dead tired mad at yourself and wondering why the h*ll you stayed up so.late.again. only to go to bed even later that same night.

2) You really want a dog, your kids all want a dog, you had a dog before and the family did perfectly fine with him but one day, shortly after you had a baby and your mind wasn't really in the right place, you let your husband talk you into letting the dog go live with your parents "just until the baby got a little older" but when she did get older, your husband refused to allow the dog to come back and the dog has since gotten so use to living in his "temporary" housing, five years later, that he doesn't mesh well with the family anymore. And you and the kids have already found the replacement dog about five or six times yet your husband refuses to let the family have a dog. Even though he's the only one that doesn't want one. And he's outvoted 4 to 1.

3) You work about six or eight jobs with only one that pays the bills.

4) You sometimes wonder if you are the only person in the house that knows where the extra toilet paper is kept.

5) You can't help but wonder if it would be easier to just cut all but an inch or two of your hair and call it a day.

6) You go to the gym but don't lose weight.

7) You eat french fries even though you spent 1.5 hours sweating the hair out that you just spent 3 hours at the salon doing.

8) You want to trade your mommy car in for a two door BMW with no back seat.

9) You will never drive a minivan but you will drive a car big enough to fit a minivan in because those are the only cars that offer all the same bells and whistles that a minivan does.

10) You really should be working instead of blogging right now or reading other blogs.

11) You wonder why you seem to be the only one who understands the homework situation in your house.

12) You don't have a nice watch but your husband does and you're at least 32 years old and should have at least one nice one by now. (Fergie, we know you're hand is up for this one).

13) You always have several loads of clean laundry around the house that seem to never get folded and put away but instead, serve as the source of clothes that end up being used throughout the week. (Hey, it's much easier to keep everyone's clothes in one crumpled pile in a basket than to fold and put away all those clothes away, right?)

14) You drink wine with dinner because you need it to make it through homework and bathtime.
HAPPY HUMP DAY EVERYONE!

Because I'm 32 Years Old and I Deserve It

Lately I have been driving Hubby crazy with that line. I don't know what it is, but since turning 32 (and actually even a little before then), I have taken the attitude that there are just some things that I should have or do simply because I am a grown up now for Pete's sake.

Take for example, my watch situation. Up until my birthday a couple of weeks ago, I was rocking the same cheap, bland watch every.day. I do have 2 "nice" watches sitting in my jewelry box on my dresser, but the battery is dead in one and the strap is broken on the other, so I have been relegated to my Avon specials out of sheer necessity. So when it came time for me to tell Hubby what I wanted for my birthday (no, he did not actually ask in case you were wondering. but a smart woman should always be prepared in these situations.) I told him what kind of watch I wanted, to which he replied: "But you have a perfectly functional watch now." To which I replied: "Yes, but it's wack. And I'm 32 years old and deserve a decent watch dammit." Apparently he tried to find the watch on his lunch break on my birthday but they didn't have the color I wanted. So I got steak instead. Luckily my good friend observed my sad watch situation and gave me a stylish one as my birthday gift.

Speaking of my dresser. It's much like the dining room situation I recently described. Well, ok, not that bad, but the fact of the matter is that we don't have nearly enough room for our my toiletries, jewelry, makeup, etc., so our dresser is a piled-high disaster. I recently decided that I was getting a vanity for our room to have a proper place to put my stuff. I made my big announcement to Hubby, prefacing it with: "I'm 32 years old and I deserve to have a proper place for my crap dammit." To which he did not reply.

This weekend we were shopping for bath towels (riveting, I know). But we need to replace our towels in a bad way. Let's just say we still have some left from our college days. No lie. Anyway, we went to this awesome housewares store that sells designer goods at discounted prices. I was choosing these plush, thick towels for us to purchase when Hubby aka El Cheapo said: "Do we really need those? What about those ones down there?" and points to the cheapest, thinnest ones available. To which I replied: "I am 32 years old and deserve nice towels dammit." To which he sighed and caved.

I don't know what it is, but these days I will not settle for less. I'm tired of skimping and "getting by" with less. I'm 32 years old and I deserve it dammit.

16 Crayons, Size Large, NOT Jumbo

I hate shopping for school supplies. What I hate more is the instructions on the teachers' lists- two boxes of 16 crayons, size large, NOT jumbo. Instructions like this requires me to drive within a 200 mile radius of my school district to hunt the item down only to determine that said item is now only sold on Ebay or doesn't exist in the US.

I don't know about your school, but there is zero discretion in the items that I can buy at my children's school. Gluesticks? Must be exactly "1.3156 ounces of ABC brand, NOT XYZ brand." Of course, the three stores that I went to only carry XYZ brand. Art pad? Must be exactly 70 sheets of such and such. After three years of hunting for this particular art pad, I finally found it!! Three grades later and I finally found the one with 70 sheets exactly. Not 60 or 100 but 70! When I finally found the correct art pad I felt like doing a happy dance at Target. PATHETIC.

Last year, the pain in my a@@ was a specific brand of pencils that I couldn't even pronounce. I looked everywhere for them. I should've known that they would not be an easy find when there was a disclaimer next to them telling me that "although [the pencils] cost much more than most, they are really the best brand to go with and therefore, don't.buy.anything.else."

These teachers have me on pins and needles. Must get correct school supplies, must do it ASAP. Must not fail this year or else suffer the consequences of instantly being the deadbeat parent of the year. Must start off the school year right. Must, must, must!

The pressure - I can't take it. It's too much!! School starts this week for two of my kids. This week! So far I have all but about 5 items left between my three children. That's pretty good. I only shopped around my entire town to get my list down to these last five items and I feel like a star parent already.

Ugh!! Summer is over.